Top 10 Techniques to Defuse Anger in Men

Anger is a common human emotion, yet it can be challenging to manage, particularly in a relationship context. When the man in your life is overwhelmed with anger, it can feel like you’re navigating a stormy sea without a compass.

The good news is, there are tried and true strategies that can help deflate the anger balloon. This article presents ten effective methods to calm an angry man, providing valuable insights and practical techniques to help you bring back tranquility into your relationship.

Whether you need immediate tactics to cool off an anger burst, or long-term peace-making strategies, this guide has got you covered.

Softer Voice

Softer Vice: woman with gray hair with her finger up to her mouth to signal quiet.
Image Credits: Depositphotos IgorVetushko.

One person said, “One trick I learned when I was a teen managing at McDonald’s. One of my managers there taught me that if you have a loud, angry customer, start out with your voice just a bit softer than theirs. As you talk, lower the volume of your voice more and more. They will tend to lower their volume to match you and tend to calm down as the volume drops.”

A second person added, “I’m generally a quiet person, so whenever I get into an argument, it usually ends up just making the other person feel bad.”

Confuse Them

Confuse Them: man looking good
Image credits: Depositphotos dcdp

A popular comment read, “If it’s a random drunk man, try and confuse him. Out of nowhere, say something really left field “my garden isn’t 10 feet long” then immediately say something completely different like “Sorry, your not the waiter I was expecting” then just leave before they can make sense of what just happened.”

Another comment was, “I have done this to prevent a bar fight before. I just started bawling out random stuff that confused everyone so much that the mood changed, and the whole thing de-escalated from there. Then I continued to drink my face off. I wasn’t in the fight, just a random bystander.”

Don’t Say, “Calm Down!”

Don’t Say “Calm Down!”: upset couple talking on a couch man looking away
Image credits: Depositphotos AlexShadyuk.

A user wrote, “Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.” Can t recall where I read this, but it springs to mind here.”

A second user added, “I remember taking a mental health first aid course, and the one thing I remember from that course is to never use phrases like ‘calm down’ in situations like this.”

Leave Them Alone

Leave Them Alone: woman looking away with arm up on wall
Image credits: Depositphotos AlexShadyuk.

One commentor put it simply, “Leave him alone.”

Another replied, “Before things get worse, go take a walk and don’t return until you feel things have become more peaceful.”

Validate Feelings

Validate Feelings: woman sitting and smiling with a coffee cup
Image credits: Depositphotos

A popular comment was, “You’re right – I’m really sorry, man” – this btw is the best way to save your life from an insane road rage dude in a black pickup.”

Another comment was, “Appropriately expressed anger? Hear it. Validate it. Sit with it.”

A third said, “Validate the feeling, but do not accept the behavior.”


Hug: man and woman hugging man looking away
Image Credits: Depositphotos olly18.

A user wrote, “Hug that man. Most anger isn’t anger. It is another emotion. Disarm with reassurance.”

A second user added, “As a girl hug him. As his girlfriend f*** him.”

Calm Him

Calm Him: man in a suit meditating
Image Credits: Depositphotos AntonLozovoy.

One person replied, “If it’s not at you, rub his back, like, do circles with your hand. Nails can help. You feel support and get some happy chemicals going.”

A second added, “Well, have you tried showing him a picture of a puppy in a cowboy hat? It might not work for everyone, but it’s worth a shot!”

Always Show Love

Always Show Love: man and woman hugging affectionately
Image credits: Depositphotos [email protected].

An insightful comment was, “If this question is coming from the man’s romantic partner, I would say being very sweet and loving always melts my anger.”

Cool Off Period

Cool Off Period: couple sitting and looking away from each other on a couch
Image credit: Depositphotos tonodiaz.

One commentor added, “It still boggles my mind how long my ex would stay angry when we had a fight or disagreement. Give me 20 minutes to cool off afterward, and I was fine and ready to make up. She’d stew for days.”

Another replied, “If there’s someone in your life who gets angry and does you the courtesy of leaving the room, please let them be and calm down so that you can resume the conversation.”

Leave (if necessary)

Leave (if necessary) woman crying into her hands sitting on a couch
Image credits: Depositphotos HayDmitriy.

The most liked comment said, “Inappropriately expressed anger? Not your circus, not your elephant. Remove yourself.”

Another comment was, “Exactly. Inappropriate (projected/displaced) anger is his own responsibility. Man or woman, it’s our own job to emotionally regulate ourselves.”

Source: Reddit

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