Moving in with someone is never easy, whether you’re moving in with roommates or a significant other.
Old habits and routines die hard! Sharing a space can be especially difficult for young couples making that commitment for the first time when coming from a home where they were cleaned up after by parents.
Moving in with someone can be a big culture shock for both parties, as a Redditor recently discovered when his girlfriend moved in with him.
Moving In Together
The original poster (OP) began by saying, recently. His girlfriend moved in with him because the living situation at her parent’s house had declined recently and then turned bad.
OP says the living situation currently between the two of them has not been great either. In his words, “she’s a very messy person.”
OP says her clothing is left all over the living space, she can’t be bothered to fold or hang up her laundry, and their bed is constantly covered with her clothing. He also said she has been bringing food into the bedroom and won’t throw it away when she’s done but instead just shoves it under the bed so that he won’t see/complain about it.
OP has now resorted to using the guest bathroom because of the disarray in their shared bathroom. OP says he keeps telling her to clean up after herself and that he’s tired of cleaning up after a grown woman.
He says her response is always that she has depression and ADHD but nothing else. OP feels that she is just making excuses and is unsure how her having ADHD and depression makes her leave garbage everywhere and be a slob. He feels as though she is an adult and needs to act like one.
After a recent argument, the two got into she got angry and accused OP of not caring about what she was going through and called OP an “unsympathetic moron.” OP says apparently, in her eyes, he is not being supportive and understanding of her mental health.
OP says he understands that having depression can make it harder for someone to take care of themselves and their environment. Still, he feels that there is a limit to where you’re just using it as an excuse and feels this is where his girlfriend is at because she won’t pick up after herself.
The Masses Weigh In
Redditors were quick to comment and give their opinions on this messy roommate situation.
One Redditor said, “He’s not being insensitive. I have ADHD, and she’s going as far as to HIDE IT UNDER THE BED? I’m a grown a** woman, and I STRUGGLE, but you have to take responsibility for your own mental illness.
It’s so highly unfair to move in with someone and treat their house like a pig sty, not even attempt to clean up or make an effort and then blame it on your ADHD and depression when you knew from the start YOU WOULD BE LIKE THIS. You cannot make someone else’s life hard because YOUR STRUGGLING.
I sympathize, but she shouldn’t have moved out into someone else’s home if she wasn’t ready, and I’m assuming that’s why she has fallen out with the parents. NTA he has tried to help by letting her move in, and she is disrespecting his space, and she’s not even trying to get help.”
A second Redditor shared, “At the end of the day, she chooses to bring food into the bedroom. Impulse control is hard, not impossible. Cleaning up requires a great deal of personal management so I understand the struggle there. But consistently choosing behaviors that continue to contribute to the state of things?
That’s just disrespectful behavior. As always, even with ADHD and depression, there is still personal responsibility being avoided in addition to very real issues like executive dysfunction.”
A third Redditor said, “As someone who has ADHD and has a history of depression, I think this is an awful take. There is definitely a line, after which it becomes untenable to live like this. Clothes on bed, not folded in the closet? Not ideal, but at least it’s sanitary, if messy. Hiding garbage under the bed so your partner doesn’t find it is insane – that’s not excusable. NTA”
This user said, “I also have ADHD. I understand things like the clothes, but hiding plates under the bed from your partner that’s not ADHD. That’s childish laziness and an explicit choice. That’s beyond ADHD, and just slob territory.”
Another user added, “As someone who also has ADHD, depression, and anxiety, hiring a cleaner to come in once a week saved our marriage. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy has also helped me with those smaller everyday tasks. Is this something that is feasible? I truly feel for the gf. Trust me when I say no one WANTS to live in that way and constantly being criticized only exacerbates the problem.”
Finally, a Redditor dropped their honest opinion by saying, “ OP, I would recommend breaking up. There’s probably a reason this woman had so many issues with her parents at home. Maybe there she can pursue therapy and other support and start doing better, but it’s clear she’s not in a place to be in a relationship, and you’re not in a place to spend your time in a caretaker role. You want a GF; she wants a caretaker. It’s just not a good fit.”
Redditors gave their honest opinion about this living situation and many believe the OP is not being disrespectful or rude. What is your opinion? Would you continue to live with the girlfriend? Break up with her? Or ask that she gets some help?
This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Neon Moon.
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