Doing house chores is awful. No one likes to do them, but everyone wants a clean living space. When cohabitating with a partner, the expectation is usually a 50/50 split and that both people will share in the responsibility of keeping a clean living space. A husband recently has had enough of his wife’s “incompetence” when it comes to chores and came to the internet to find out if his expectations are too high or too much for her to handle.
The original poster (OP) begins by saying that his wife is very neglectful when it comes to chores and says she does “a half-assed job” when she does them. This has been on OP’s mind for some time, but it recently reached a tipping point. He said he also feels that she’s just pretending to be incompetent at chores, so she doesn’t have to do them.
The husband says he does the dishes and all other chores half of the time and feels that it’s an equal distribution, but when it’s her turn to do chores, he has to remind her and beg her to do them constantly. He says no matter the chore, she whines and complains about it, then does a half-assed job and rushes through them to get back to whatever else she is doing. OP takes his household responsibilities seriously because he likes a clean living space, while his wife acts incompetent to get out of doing them or because she doesn’t feel like it.
He went on to say that earlier in the week, he found food residue on two plates he asked her to be more mindful when cleaning the dishes because it’s gross to find residue on them. He then said she just rolled her eyes and said, “yeah, yeah,” and blew him off. He goes on to say that later in the day of the original post, he found a third glob of leftover food on his washed dish, and that’s when OP says he “lost it.”
He grabbed his plate, and then he brought his wife over to the sink and demonstrated to her how to properly scrub the entire plate. He said she just zoned out and stared into space. This made the husband even angrier, and he then told her to stop being disrespectful and to watch his demonstration because she clearly doesn’t understand how to wash dishes properly. She started crying when he said this and told him to leave her alone as she ran to the bathroom.
OP says he feels bad about making her cry, but he is sick of her not doing a good job with her chores and that her overall attitude and neglect of the shared chores are really bothering him. He says that her expectations for his chores are high, but she shouldn’t expect him to do all the chores all the time when she is not, in his words, “pulling her weight” and acting incompetent when doing hers.
The Masses Weigh In
Redditors give their opinions on whether the husband had a right to be angry with his wife or not.
One Redditor said, “I do think they way OP went about it was wrong but I can understand the frustration. NTA.”
A second Redditor said, “I detest cleaning, but I have to do it or pay for it to get done. Your wife needs to grow up.”
A third Redditor had this to say, “Honestly it sounds like a case of deliberate incompetence. Where she does a bad job in the hopes that OP will get tired of fighting over it all the time and do the chores themselves.”
Another user said, “NTA. That’s gross. Washing dishes should be done correctly whether your a man or a woman it doesn’t matter”
A Redditor also added, “NTA. You both agreed you do them half the time. She shouldn’t be half assing it.”
A user had this to add, “NTA, sounds like weaponized incompetence and laziness. Wash only dishes for yourself and let her either wash her own or eat off a dirty plate. “
Finally, a Redditor said, “Were you mean about it? Yes, but I’d say you’re a justifiable AH at most.”
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