In a relationship, should plans with friends always align on the same night, or is it acceptable for one partner to have a quiet night at home while the other spends time with friends? Does the discrepancy in time spent with friends between partners matter? This couple faces this dilemma, and the question remains: can they find a solution to harmonize their social lives?
How much time is too much time?
The original poster (OP) explains that he and his girlfriend have been together for 18 months and lived together for six months. The issue of him spending “too much time” with his friends and “not enough time with her” has been an issue throughout.
Many different arguments have stemmed from this issue, including OP’s girlfriend getting annoyed that he doesn’t invite her along to events with his friends and that he doesn’t go out of his way to make plans with her.
To try and work through this issue, OP has reduced the amount of time he spends with his friends and now invites her along sometimes when he does. Additionally, he has worked on becoming more proactive in arranging days out with his girlfriend.
Despite all of this, and the fact that they both work and home and spend every day of the week together, she still gets annoyed at him when he arranges to do something with his friends. Every time he does plan something that doesn’t involve her, she tells him that he puts others ahead of her on his list of priorities.
Things reached a boiling point recently when OP’s girlfriend’s plans with her own friends fell through at the last minute. As OP had arranged to go out with his friends at the same time, she then expected him to cancel his plans too as she no longer had anything to do. He didn’t, and it caused a huge row that is still ongoing.
OP has admitted that the whole situation has made him anxious as he doesn’t know how to find the right balance between having a social life and not upsetting his girlfriend. Taking to Reddit, he wanted to know if anyone had any advice for him.
Whose issue is it to fix?
The comments section on the thread was packed with people telling OP that he had done all that he could to try and sort the problem out, with some people even suggesting that he had done “too much.”
The general feeling among the commenters was that it was now time for his girlfriend to address her issues and fix them for the sake of the relationship. One user said:
“By your description, you are being considerate of her feelings. She’s being clingy. And you basically need to tell her, “you are being too clingy,” without trying to dance around it.
It’s something she has to work on. You’ve done all you can.”
Others even suggested that OP should consider calling the relationship off, with one user saying:
“This is definitely an issue with her OP, whether it’s insecurity, manipulation, co-dependency, or even something else like a mental health issue. Tell her she needs to see a therapist and stop changing your life for her. If she can’t hack it, you need to move on, or you’re going to resent her and build trauma from this walking on eggshells.”
Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner expressed displeasure at how much time you spent with your friends? If so, how did you deal with it? Let us know in the comments below.
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