He’s told her he knows plenty of women want him, and he’s even written her a list of names. Is this a red flag, or is he just being honest and transparent?
A Reddit user (23F) has been taken aback by recent comments from her boyfriend (25M) in relation to how he feels other women view him. He has essentially told her that he is aware of certain women in his life who are romantically interested in him, and she is unsure as to why he has done this. Is he trying to play psychological games with her, or is he just an upfront guy?
A Total Mindscrew
The original poster (OP) described the situation as a total mindscrew and revealed the level of detail which her boyfriend has gone into when revealing information about these women.
He has given her a list of names of women, from coworkers to friends and acquaintances, that OP has met. He told her that one of the women was a little flirty with him, but he would continue being nice to her because they were coworkers.
This would be a huge red flag for many people instead of shutting the flirting down. He is almost encouraging it despite having a girlfriend. He explained away this potential red flag by saying that he’s telling OP this information so that if she sees this woman flirting with him at any point, then she knows it’s normal and that nothing is going on behind her back.
OP commented that her boyfriend presented this information in a matter-of-fact way, and didn’t come across like he was bragging about it. A real mindscrew, indeed!
The situation is perhaps more alarming as the relationship is relatively new. While OP and her boyfriend have known each other for a while and casually dated for some time, they have only recently decided to make their relationship more serious.
She has been happy with how things have been going, but this conversation has thrown her into a bit of a frenzy. Is her boyfriend just being honest, or is he going out of his way to make her jealous and paranoid?
The Advice Comes Pouring In
It didn’t take long for hundreds of Redditors to offer their thoughts on the situation with the majority feeling like OP is right to feel uneasy about it.
One commented to say that she should “ask him if these women know he’s in a relationship,” while another said that they believe he’s said it to “get a pass to allow the flirting to continue.”
One comment, in particular, stood out as no punches were pulled. It read: “I think he’s trying to get you on the back foot by playing jedi mind games. I smell a jerk trying to control you…I bet there are plenty of people interested in you, but you’re just not being a told about it. He’s trying to unsettle you. How soul-destroying.”
OP’s boyfriend did get the benefit of the doubt from a few people, however. One person speculated that “maybe he has a super jealous ex that wanted the same info. Maybe just take it as is, say OK, and move on.”
Should OP consider this a red flag and get out of the relationship while it’s still at an early stage? Or should she take his words in good faith? What would you do in her shoes?
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