An overbearing mother forces her 25-year-old daughter to break up with her boyfriend. At what point does a mom need to stand back and let her kids live their lives? She can’t afford to move out yet.
Should she have broken up with him? What would you do?
The Mother-Daughter Situation
On the Reddit thread r/Relationships, a heartbroken 25-year-old female came to the site to ask for advice and support on how to deal with her overbearing mother, who has forced her to break up with her last two boyfriends.
The original poster (OP) said she was dating someone recently until she became so overcome with emotional distress, exhaustion, and anxiety due to her mother’s cruel and unusual treatment of her.
OP and her boyfriend began as friends and slowly moved into dating. OP and her boyfriend had been dating for over two months when she told her mom they were an item. In the beginning, when OP and her boyfriend were just friends, her mother was fine with them seeing one another and hanging out. However, mom flipped the switch when she found out they were dating.
Once mom found out the two were dating, she forbade OP from going to his house, and she became extremely hostile toward the boyfriend when he would come around. OP still lives with her mother and feels she has no recourse because she cannot move out on her own because she does not have the money to leave.
OP wants to start her adult life and begin dating because she wants to find true love someday and get married.
Redditors Weigh In
Redditors added their two sense to this mother-daughter situation and tried to give the OP some advice.
One Redditor shared this piece of advice, “You will probably have to live with your mom for a little while longer. Try to avoid getting drawn into emotional discussions. They are useless and will drain you. She is trying to control you by controlling who you can see and when. But she cannot actually control you. She cannot physically keep you home or prevent you from seeing people.”
This Redditor continued, “You still believe she can, but actually, it is you making that possible for her to do. I know it is way easier said than done to just make your own choices, but at least reflect on the role you have taken on (that of the child, to be bossed around and punished when you disobey) and see if you can start seeing yourself in a different way. See where you have choices and if you can change how you make them. This might sound mean, but you made the choice to hurt your boyfriend (and yourself) to appease your mother. It may not have felt like a choice, but it can help if you look at it like it was.
Another Redditor said, “What will happen if you just go to his house? Your mom can’t keep you as a prisoner. You’re 25 and can do whatever you want. I get that if it’s her house and she doesn’t want you two to sleep in 1 bed, okay her house her rules. But you’re a full-grown adult and should be treated like one”
A third Redditor asked, “Have you considered lying to her? I’m serious. You can pretend you broke up with him and continue to see him how you were before. Normally I wouldn’t start by suggesting lying, but she is being extremely unreasonable, and you aren’t doing anything wrong.”
Finally, a Redditor offered this view, “This is victim blaming and not how abusive relationships work. POWs and victims of coercive control are symptomatically indistinguishable. This person has spent 25 years living in an incredibly controlling environment. Just standing up for herself won’t fix it. She has to get out.”
What do you think? What advice would you give this young lady?
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