The desire to find a life partner and establish a shared future is common among many individuals. However, the challenge arises when couples have different timelines and aspirations. This raises the question of what to do if one partner is anticipating the next step in the relationship, but it doesn’t materialize. Is ending the relationship the solution? Additionally, the original poster seeks advice online as she contemplates whether to continue with her current boyfriend, who, after six years together, remains uncertain about marriage.
The original poster (OP) has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for six years. They work together, run a side business together, and have been through a lot together, as she puts it.
However, they do not live together, but she is upset because even after all they share, he still hasn’t proposed. OP says her boyfriend’s family has begun to pressure them to get married, but he says he’s undecided about getting married.
He Wants to Get Married and Have Kids
OP’s boyfriend has shared that he wants to get married and have a ton of kids, but OP feels that means just maybe not with her. OP is questioning why he is being so indecisive after six years of being in a relationship with her and feels that his indecision is his decision.
OP went on to say that both recently went to therapy separately to work through some trauma and learn coping skills for dealing with anxiety. OP doesn’t want to push her boyfriend into a decision at this point, especially after recently going to therapy.
OP says she’s unsure if she should wait to see if he’ll come to a decision while in therapy or if she should just leave the relationship and allow him to make the decision he feels is best for him. She says she loves him a lot, and she sees a future with him, but more recently, that future feels further and further away.
The Masses Respond
One user offered this piece of advice, “This happens a lot with two people who are comfortable together but not really right for each other. There are no overt dealbreakers, but the sense of “this isn’t how I want to spend the rest of my life” makes making long term plans impossible.”
You Two Know Eachother Well
Another reader said, “After nearly seven years, you two know each other, as well as anyone, can know anyone else. There’s nothing that would give him any more reason to want to be married to you than he’s already been given. And it’s not enough.”
Compatibility Might Be The Issue
A third reader said, “It’s not about love, it’s about compatibility. You can deeply love a person you aren’t wholly compatible with. But in the end, if you aren’t compatible, it’s just not enough.”
To which a user responded, “Exactly. He has trouble putting it into words because nothing is “wrong.” It’s just not right, either. You are not the person he sees standing by his side for the remainder of his life, but he is also afraid to hurt you and lose a good thing. He will sit on the fence for as long as you let him. Unfortunately, the best thing you can do in this situation is pushed past the initial pain and walk away.”
A poster shared this personal story with OP, “Yup, my best friend recently got divorced from her “high school sweetheart” after 10+ years of dating and 1.5 years of marriage. She was devastated, but I think it was a blessing in disguise because looking back they were “comfortable” but not happy. It was her first and only relationship, so she didn’t really know any better, but now she’s seeing a guy who she’s 10x more compatible with, and I can see it going somewhere!
Odds Don’t Look Good
Another poster shared this opinion, “So I am gonna be completely honest. Every single friend of mine that has been in this situation has broken up. Often the woman will give them an ultimatum and get married to get divorced not too long down the road, or they move in to procrastinate or temporarily table the marriage situation. Many people move in together to see if they are compatible, but sometimes I have seen it as a tactic to placate the person wanting a deeper commitment. Usually, they break up or the woman simply gets fed-up and breaks up to later marry the very next man within 1.5 years. This next man is always 100 percent sure about them.”
You Deserve More
Finally, a reader offered their support, “You deserve someone that will not have you question how they feel about you. I wish you the best OP!”
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