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20 Hard Lessons People Learned From Their First Relationships

Many of us remember our first significant other. We may have positive memories of our time together or we may be relieved it’s over. Some of us may fall in the middle and remember the good along with the bad. No matter where we fall, our first relationship often teaches us many lessons about love, life, & lust. What did you learn from your first relationship?

Love Isn’t Enough

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One person wrote, “That love isn’t enough of a reason to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.”

Another person added, “I was 18m dating a 23f. She was my first girlfriend, and I learned that the hard way. We dated for 3 years, and I absolutely loved her to death. I was young and still exploring my sexuality. I didn’t respect her like I should have, though. In my head, I wanted to be this lady’s man, and falling in love with her was unexpected for me. I lost her because of all the stupid **** I said and did. The only silver lining is I know what I want now, and I know I won’t ever make that same mistake twice.”

Don’t Ignore Red Flags

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A Redditor replied, “Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t let go of your self-respect.”

A second Redditor responded with, “Coming from someone who ignored multiple folks telling me he was cheating on me, pretending like I saw nothing when I caught him walking with his arm around another girl, all the way up to the end, where he accidentally texted me instead of whoever he was hooking up with that night, please don’t ignore those red flags.”

You Can Be Incompatible 

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A popular comment was, “Despite how much you love someone, you can be incompatible. At least I know now what I need from a relationship.”

Another most-liked comment read, “2 people can be amazing on their own, but if they don’t have a lot of common interests, then it’s kinda hard to get a relationship going.”

It’s Okay To Be Alone

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One user commented, “Being alone is better than forcing yourself to be with someone you don’t love.”

Another user added, “And you can have love for someone whilst not being in love with them anymore.”

Screaming Isn’t Healthy

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A Redditor responded, “That screaming at each other during arguments is not healthy.”

Another Redditor replied, “My rule of thumb is I never scream or yell at anyone I ever have any desire to talk to again, and I hold others to that same standard.”

No Sexy Pictures

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Image credit: Depositphotos IgorVetushko.

A popular comment was, “Never send sexy pictures with your face in them. It doesn’t matter how in love you are. People get cruel after breakups.”

Another person added, “I always say that I don’t send nudes and don’t hold newborn babies. Both are zero reward and high risk.”

Don’t Take Relationships For Granted

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One person replied, “You should never take any relationship for granted – you always need to make efforts and work towards keeping a happy relationship with the ones you love.”

Learning Process

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A Redditor responded with, “First relationship is always a learning process, I guess.”

Pay Attention To The Little Things

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One user replied, “It’s the little things that are great. They remember how you like coffee, inside jokes, and pillow talk. They baked your favorite cookies, etc.”

Listen To Your Gut

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A very smart user wrote, “That when everyone around you is saying that you guys are just the perfect couple and despite no real relationship problems, something in your gut is telling you something is wrong, you should listen to that gut feeling.”

Communicate Openly

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One Redditor commented, “Communicate, be open, share fully, and take it one day at a time.”

A second Redditor added, “Yes, share fully, even if you are ashamed. I let the shame of my parent’s alcoholism and addictions ruin our relationship because I kept it a secret.”

Hatred Is Not Needed

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A user said, “You don’t have to hate your ex. I hate this narrative that social media creates. We’re not friends, but I’d say hi if I ever saw him in the street, and I like to hear that he’s doing well.”

Another user replied, “This is a very important message. I’ve never felt comfortable with the narrative you need to hate someone who you have shared your life with. If there is a reason to hate them, I understand. However, otherwise, no need to have that kind of negativity for someone who you cared deeply for.”

You Can Fall Out Of Love

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One honest answer was, “Sometimes people just fall out of love, and there is nothing you can do about it, regardless of how much you love them. You just have to move on with your life.”

Another honest Redditor added, “Being the one that falls out of love is considerably terrible. I experienced it in my third long-term relationship, and oh boy, the cognitive dissonance can destroy you.”

Friend Groups Change

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A Redditor replied, “If you join her friend group while you’re her boyfriend, then the relationship ends. You’re gonna have no friends.”

Another Redditor responded, “For this same reason, think twice before you begin dating someone in your preexisting friend group.”

Not Responsible For Other Person’s Happiness

Leave Them Alone: woman looking away with arm up on wall
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One popular comment read, “You are not responsible for the other person’s happiness if you aren’t happy yourself. Don’t feel obligated to stay just because you’ve been together a while.”

Another popular comment was, “You are not responsible for another person’s happiness, period. If they’re miserable without you, they’ll be miserable with you after the novelty wears off. It’s on them to fix that for themselves.”

Always Be Yourself

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One user said, “I’m gonna type it in caps because IDK how to bold it in my phone NEVER STOP BEING YOURSELF!! And I mean not in the physical sense. When you admire someone, you start somehow becoming like them, adapting their interests and hobbies so you feel more connected to them, etc. But don’t let it change you completely.”

Another user replied, “Don’t try to change for someone. It won’t work.”

Learn To Love Yourself First

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A Redditor added, “I have to learn to love myself first.”

You Shouldn’t Be Hidden

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One Redditor replied, “If he really loves you, he won’t hide you away.”

A second Redditor responded, “Never sleep with anyone who thinks you’re an embarrassment.”

Love vs. Lust

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One smart comment was, “That there is a difference between love and lust.”

Cheating Sucks

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Finally, a wise Redditor added, “Cheating on your lover isn’t worth it. I did that. Cheated on her with her best friend, actually. Eventually, I realized I couldn’t keep lying to her and abusing her trust like that, and I told her everything. She eventually forgave me, but we agreed that we needed to end the relationship for good.”

Source: Reddit

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