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Lessons Learned: Mistakes to Avoid in Relationships

“Relationships can be a beautiful thing, but they require effort, patience, and understanding. While every relationship is unique, there are common mistakes that can make or break it. Whether you’re in a new relationship or reflecting on past ones, these valuable lessons can help you avoid making the same mistakes and build a stronger, healthier relationship.”  

Communication 

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To start, a Redditor said, “For me, I think I was bad at communication. I just could not express love, and even if I did, it seemed forced. Eventually figured out I don’t even have feelings, and I left, so that was bad.”

A second Redditor added, “I was really bad at communicating. I didn’t know how to express my thoughts, feelings, needs, etc., and I was really bad at asking him about the same. We ended up acting on “I think this is what he’ll appreciate” rather than just asking the person.

Trust 

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A popular comment was, “Trying to control everything. Trying to manipulate my partner into doing what I wanted, whatever the cost (upsetting them, making them feel like shit, etc).”

Boundaries 

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A user commented, “ I didn’t set boundaries at the beginning, let them get away with too much, and then began to resent them. Hard to ever get over resentment once it sets in!”

Jealousy 

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A Redditor replied, “In past relationships, I have been the possessive, jealous one. My mom taught me that. I quickly unlearned that after several nasty breakups.”

Incompatibility 

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A simple comment was, “Being more in love with him than he was with me.”

Emotional maturity 

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One Redditor added, “I always needed attention. If I decided he wasn’t paying enough attention to me, I’d start an argument or pretend to be ill.”

Compatibility 

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One user wrote, “I was so clingy to the point that my ex got really concerned for my mental health if we were to break up. I hated the fact that we could only meet in a religious setting where the rules restricted us from showing our affection for each other in a physical way, so I had to rely on words, something I’ve struggled with since I was young. It ended up with me expecting more from him and him not being able to match my energy.”

Self-care 

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A popular comment was, “I always relied on my partners being happy, I forget to make myself happy.”

A second comment state, “I needed to respect myself more. I’ve always put more into relationships, even when I was starting to become sad.”

Emotional availability 

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A Redditor replied, “Not getting over my traumas before getting into a relationship. You really don’t know how fucked your head and actions can be until you’re better and snap the hell out of it.”

A second Redditor added, “I have emotional regulation issues (woo, childhood trauma), so I often get really angry over very little things. I get too wrapped up in it and have said and done things that have really upset my partner and nearly led to a breakup on multiple occasions.”

Resentment 

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One smart user wrote, “Unfortunately, resentment is like a poison with a hard-to-find antidote. Never hide your opinions about any behaviors or others. State them elegantly and firmly. Everything falls back into place after that.”

Another user added, “Resentment is like swallowing poison then waiting for the other person to die.”

Honesty 

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One popular comment was, “Not realizing my sexuality earlier and thought that my interest in women for the last decade or so was just a “phase.” I constantly felt like there was something missing in my marriage, although everything seemed complete and that we were happy. Or I should be happy. My interest in women only became stronger.”

Infidelity 

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A Redditor replied, “Damn. Some of these answers are pretty tame. I cheated straight up. Not proud of it.”

A second Redditor added, “Same. You’re the first person to say it, and I’ll let you know you’re not alone. I cheated too. It was fu**ed, and I’ll always regret it.”

Priorities 

Cheater man smiling at his computer next to an upset woman in bed.
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A popular comment was, “I took him for granted. Assumed he’d always be there because he had always been there. I put my career before just about everything. “

A second said, “I put my dead-end job first because I wanted to provide, but what I didn’t realize was money wasn’t the only I needed to provide. I needed to give time and attention, too.”

Red flags 

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A simple comment was, “Giving a million chances knowing that the outcome would still be the same.”

Respect 

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One user replied, “My first relationship was a mess. I didn’t have any self-respect and was too desperate to get love. I had the perception that love had to hurt.”

Compromise 

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A Redditor commented, “I always want to be the receiver. I don’t put in enough effort when it should be a give and take relationship.”

Empathy 

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A popular comment was, “I realized that I wasn’t being empathetic enough towards my partner’s struggles and emotions. I was always quick to dismiss their feelings and offer solutions instead of just listening and being there for them.”

Another said,  “One mistake I made was not being empathetic towards my partner’s needs and wants. I was so focused on what I wanted and what I thought was best for the relationship that I didn’t take the time to understand where they were coming from and what they needed from me.”

Intimacy 

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A person said, “I was neglecting the emotional intimacy in my relationship. We were physically close, but I wasn’t opening up and sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with my partner.” 

Another person added, ” We became so caught up in our daily routines and responsibilities that we forgot to make time for each other. It’s important to create moments of intimacy, both physical and emotional, to strengthen the bond between partners.”

Insecurity

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A Redditor added, “I suppressed how I felt and tried to play the “cool girl” because I was scared to be alone and also the rejection of my true self. But since I was young, I was still learning to be myself, and this stunted my growth for a period.” 

Personal growth

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Finally, a Redditor said, “Turning myself into who the other person wanted me to be. Twisting myself in knots to make their lives easier while they did nothing to reciprocate. Basically becoming the person who did everything but never asked for anything. “

These insightful comments from Redditors remind us that we all make mistakes in relationships, but we can learn from them and become better partners. 

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