Traditions are commonly crucial to families, whether they want their future children to include special details on holidays, wear a specific piece of clothing on their wedding day, or just celebrate a holiday in a specific way.
Traditions can often create frustration among family members, and sometimes people do not agree with the family’s request.
The Blindsided Surprise
Recently a woman was blindsided and told she would have to pass a test to see if she was really good enough to marry her boyfriend. This didn’t sit well with the woman, and the drama that happened after her refusal was more than she expected.
Their Relationship History
The original poster (OP) and her boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now. They are starting to look at houses and engagement rings together. They both agree this is the next step and want to spend the rest of their lives together. But she finds out it is not as simple as that.
The woman and her boyfriend decided to head to his family’s house for dinner. They shared their plans with his siblings and parents, who were excited they were going to be taking the next step. After the excitement had died down, one of the OP’s boyfriend’s sister-in-law stated, “So is she going to take the test?”
She was taken aback and asked what the SIL meant by “test.” Apparently, every future spouse needed to pass a “test” given by her boyfriend’s mother to ensure they were good enough for her children. Some of the tasks include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically, life skills most people learn from childhood. OP found the “test” ridiculous because if she’s good enough for her boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it.
She’s Not What They Want
The woman also feels like she doesn’t fit into their targeted category. In her boyfriend’s mom’s words, “you can’t be a good SAHW and SAHM if you can’t be a good homemaker, and she wants to make sure of that.”
OP doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home wife or mom, and although she respects other people’s choices, it is not right for her. The woman told her boyfriend’s mom that she hates house chores and would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores herself. I told my BF’s mom all this, and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and their visit.
Her BF doesn’t care whether she is a working wife or a SAHW, but he thinks she should have just done the test because “it’s just a test,” and it’s not like they would reject her if she failed it. He thinks it’s a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to, and OP should have gone along with it anyways. The woman believes the test is silly and completely unnecessary.
Redditors Weigh In
Redditors gave their opinion on whether or not the woman should just take the test or refuse.
One Redditor said, “NTA. What test is your boyfriend going to take to prove he’s good enough for you?”
A second Redditor replied, “NTA. It sounds demeaning and patronizing as hell. If your bf thinks you’re good enough for him, you shouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone else.”
So Last Century of Them
A third Redditor said, “NTA. How undelightfully last century of them….and that’s where this test needs to be trashed. You were right and completely NTA to refuse this test.”
Another user added, “Honestly, as a pretty traditional guy myself, I’d feel awkward having my gf go through such tests. These are really non-essential traits, especially considering I prefer to cook for myself. On top of that, it’s ME, who decides, whether someone’s a good enough partner for me. I don’t need permission from anyone else.”
He Needs to Call BS
A final user commented, “If your BF isn’t going to call BS on stuff this obviously problematic, you should consider how he’s going to handle meaningful conflicts with his family. I wouldn’t say this is a deal breaker, but you should consider much more carefully what being married to him is going to be like, with regards to his relationship with his family.”
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