Old family traditions are cherished by many, but it can be argued that not all traditions hold the same level of importance for everyone.
A time-honored tradition involves requesting a father’s permission to marry his daughter.
Recently a Redditor came to the threads to find out if what he did was wrong because he didn’t follow tradition even though his girlfriend wanted him to. Were her requests valid? Were her reasons legitimate? What would you have done?
The Awaited Proposal
The original poster (OP) says he sees nothing wrong with asking for his girlfriend’s hand in marriage without asking her father first. Typically this is a tradition that is time-honored, but he says he sees nothing wrong with it and feels that he is in the right here.
Op and his girlfriend have been dating for four years, and things have been great, but he mentions that they don’t see eye to eye politically on many other things with her father. He goes on to say that they still visit her parents fairly often, especially around holidays. Op says her father is friendly and knows not to bring up politics because of their differences.
Op says he has talked to his girlfriend a few times over the last few months about what she wants as far as an engagement, and she mentioned she wanted him to ask her dad for permission.
Op said he was kind of taken aback by this as he feels like this isn’t a normal request she would make. He asked her why, and she responded that it was something she would like him to do and that her sister’s husband did it, and some wedding funding from him would likely be contingent on him doing this.
Op responded that he wouldn’t be asking another person for permission to marry her, that it’s an extremely outdated tradition, and he’s a 30-year-old person and can do what he wants to do with someone he loves.
After this, OP’s girlfriend got mad and said she just needed him to do it because it’s a small thing to ask for, and she wanted some of her father’s money to have a few more things at their wedding that they won’t be able to afford without it. OP is steadfast in saying that he will not do this.
Reddit Weighs In
Redditors gave their opinions on the idea of a dad needing to “give permission” for his daughter to marry and whether the OP should have asked first.
One poster said, “I never told my husband he had to ask my dad, but he did. My dad also never told me he’d want a guy to ask him. My husband actually said he couldn’t even get the words out before my dad said yes. He said, “I would like to ask…” and my dad said yes before he said anything else. It wasn’t mandatory for me, but he knew I’d prefer it. Not because my dad owned me but because my dad is one of my favorite people and was my best friend my whole life.”
A second poster said, “If my partner wanted me to ask her dad for permission, she wouldn’t be my partner anymore. I’m not looking to get hitched to someone with that level of dependence on their parents.”
A third Redditor said, “Yeah, this is so weird to me. By the time I got engaged, I had already stopped asking my parents for their permission or blessing on really anything that I did, so why would my future husband? I was only 21 at the time (we married three years later and celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary this past October), but I was very independent and just did whatever I thought was best for me as a relatively functional adult.”
Finally, one Redditor said this, “I can completely understand it being outdated, and I can understand if you end up feeling embarrassed or something by doing it, but she’s asking this of you. Being married means that sometimes you compromise on your own comfort to make the other one beyond happy. Also, it’s not a bad thing to have financial help towards the wedding, and if asking permission is a way to do that, it’s pretty easy!”
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