Emotional Tug-of-War: Navigating the Pain of Feeling Like an Outsider in Your Own Relationship
We probably all know someone like this. They’re a people person. They make friends everywhere and really thrive off chatting and being friendly with the people around them.
Could this be a trait that can cause tension in a relationship?
She feels like every time she goes on a date with her boyfriend (38M), he spends too much time being friendly with strangers instead of enjoying the time just with her. While she appreciates that he is just a friendly guy, she would rather that date nights are just enjoyed together. It seems like a reasonable request, but there is more to it.
A Situation She Doesn’t Want to be Part Of
The original poster (OP) explains that the relationship with her boyfriend has only been ongoing for six months but that this is an issue that is cropping up almost every time they go out on a date.
She says he will speak to anyone, from musicians they have gone to see after their set is finished to couples on other tables at the same restaurant/bar. He will even sometimes stay in touch with the people he meets on their dates and go round to their houses for dinner.
OP concedes that having a sociable boyfriend also has its benefits in other respects. She says that it was really easy to introduce him to her friends and family because of how well gets along with people. However, on date night, she’d rather him speak to her.
One interesting point that she makes is that he only has a couple of close friends living nearby. Perhaps her boyfriend is just quite lonely and wants to make more friends to hang out with.
With that in mind, OP says that she doesn’t want to take this side away from him but doesn’t want to be part of all of the socializing with strangers. Her job involves speaking to strangers all day so she feels like doing it after work is almost the same as taking her work home with her.
She took to Reddit to seek advice on how to deal with the situation. Should she tell her boyfriend straight or just put up with it?
A Compatibility Issue?
Hundreds of Redditors were quick to jump in and offer advice to OP. A common theme spread throughout many of the comments – is compatibility. The top commenter said
“I wouldn’t like that either. Like every date, I’d be annoyed or worried that I’d have to be ‘on’ and in the mood to socialize. I also work a people-facing job, and I’d be DRAINED. If he doesn’t compromise or thinks it’s not a big deal, I think you are incompatible and it’s okay to know someone for 6 months and move on.”
Someone else in the comments had been through a similar situation with her partner. She explained how they worked through the issue together:
“For our one-year anniversary, we went to Jamaica and on the first night he invited a guy we had met at the beach out to dinner with us. The next day I explained to him why I didn’t like that and how it made me feel. He really listened. So, us just out in the world watching football or listening to live music, totally fine. A date night? Absolutely not. That’s what works for us.”
Should OP let her boyfriend know that she doesn’t like him talking to strangers on date night or should she just accept it because that’s who he is? Do you think this is a relationship that is going to last? Let us know in the comments.
We hope you enjoyed this Reddit thread. This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Neon Moon
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