People Reflect on Common Mistakes When Choosing Their Life Partner
Choosing a life partner is one of the most significant decisions we make. Yet, it is not uncommon to make mistakes both during the relationship and after marriage. Pursuing love and companionship can sometimes cloud our judgment, leading us to overlook crucial aspects and prioritize short-term gratification over long-term compatibility. What common mistakes do people make when choosing a life partner?
Having Kids
One Redditor said, “Having kids is a really big question that absolutely needs to be communicated.”
Finances
A Redditor added, “Finances too. Finance is the number 1 leading cause of divorce.”
Fixing Them
A user shared, “Thinking, “I know this person has flaws, but when we’re married I can help fix them.”
Compatibility
One user had this to say, “Choosing someone they think they should be with instead of someone they’re actually compatible with.”
Loving Love
A Redditor shared, “The two of us would admit, years after our divorce, that we pretty much liked each other only because the other one gave us any attention whatsoever. It didn’t matter that we had to go to couples counseling even before the wedding. What mattered was that she gave me the time of day, and I returned that to her. Don’t fall in love with BEING in love.”
Hard Discussions
A user said, “Not discussing goals, boundaries, or waiting beyond the honeymoon phase.”
Time Equals Commitment
This Redditor shared, “They fall for the sunk cost fallacy and assume that because they’ve been together X months or years or whatever, they must be life partners or that things must move on to the next “stage”. Just because you’ve given someone five years doesn’t mean you owe them another 50.”
Good Looks
A user commented, “Prioritizing looks instead of asking if they are the type of person who will help you when you most need it or will they run.”
Child First
A top-liked comment said, “Having children with them before really getting to know the person. It’s important to know who those children will be exposed to. Many people are on their best behavior early on. And in a short period of time, you likely haven’t seen how they handle a difficult situation.”
Attractiveness
One Redditor had this to say, “Ignoring looks completely and staying with someone you don’t find attractive AT ALL because you like their personality.”
How To For Kids
A user stated, “When it comes to kids, how to raise them, what you want for them, what you want from your partner as a partner in parenting.”
Pet Type
This Redditor shared, “In my cousin’s case, what breed of dog to get. He’s a small dog person. His ex-wife was a big dog person. They were divorced after 2 years.“
If Your Friends Are…
A top-liked comment said, “Getting married because all your friends are doing it, or because it would make your parents happy.”
Too Accommodating
This user simply said, “Giving up too much of yourself to accommodate someone else.”
Commitment
A Redditor shared, “Find someone who wants to be “committed to a relationship” rather than just be “in a committed relationship.”. Makes a hell of a difference. If you can’t hold each other accountable, you will have problems.”
Moving In
One Redditor had this to say, “Getting married without ever moving in together, first dating someone while maintaining your own space is not at all the same thing as living with a partner, and you need to find out if you can do it before you commit.”
Sleep
One user commented, ”Sleep. God, sleep is soooo f*****ing important. What are your sleep hours? Do you expect us to sleep in the same bed or separate? Do you snore? Do I snore? Do you sleep with the TV on? A light on? Is a fan on set to hurricane mode? Total silence and pitch black?
Chemistry
This user said, “Just because you have things in common with a person and have great chemistry with them, it doesn’t mean they’ll make a good partner.”
Love
A user stated, “Focusing too much on love. Love is necessary for a great relationship, but love alone is not enough. You need to be compatible in many ways.”
Trial & Error
Finally, A Redditor shared, “Being misled that there are rules about finding “the one”. People will say you won’t meet Prince Charming throwing up in the club at 2 am or that an internet date isn’t real love, or that you can’t love someone because of some other bs. If you feel a connection, shoot your shot, try to get to know each other, and see where it goes. Realizing you don’t really click is okay! Love is a trial and error thing because, unfortunately, we don’t have an app for that just yet.”
Redditors have shared valuable insights, reminding us to be mindful of the traps that can hinder our journey toward fulfillment and success. Whether it’s succumbing to societal pressures, settling for comfort over passion, or ignoring our own intuition, we must learn from these mistakes and strive for alignment between our aspirations and choices.
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