After a 26-year marriage, four kids, and a divorce, she doesn’t feel the need to change her ex’s last name in the near future. Her ex seems to have an issue with it, though.
A Redditor came to the threads to ask if she is being unreasonable about dropping her ex’s last name from her last name because it takes too much time, money, and effort.
The Last Name
The original poster has been divorced two years now from her husband of 26 years, they share four children together, and when they got married, she added his last name to her last name, so she has a hyphenated last name.
OP said when they got married, she switched all of her documents like her driver’s license, passport, credit cards, and other identification documents. She used her hyphenated last name. She went on to say that their marriage ended amicably even due to the circumstances they divorced over; he came out as gay.
OP says that it would absolutely suck to have to change all of her legal documents back to just her maiden name. She said between the time, travel, and financial obligations. She is in no rush to make the change any time soon. She did say, however, that she now introduces herself using only her maiden name and no longer her hyphenated last name.
Changing Her Name
OP said recently, a situation came up, and one of her children called her out on not changing her last name yet, which is what made her question if she was being stubborn or not. She went on to say that one of her children was going away with his family and invited her to come along and asked for her I.D. to make the reservations. A few days after this happened, she was at a party for her grandson.
Her ex-husband and his new fiancé were in attendance as well. She said her son made a joke in the conversation circle that they were all a part of, that he couldn’t believe that until today she hadn’t changed my last name. She laughed, saying that she was just too lazy to change everything that has her hyphenated last name on it.
OP went on to say that her ex-husband asked if she really hadn’t changed her name back, and if his being engaged to someone else isn’t the best time to change it, then that is just weird of her.
She replied to her ex-husband that unless he can go in her place, spend hours in lines, pay all the fees, and make all the phone calls, she would not be changing it back in the near future. After that exchange, they did not speak again at the party, but he called her later that day and said she was acting weird and being a jerk by refusing to change her name and that it makes him uncomfortable.
OP then reached out to her son and asked his opinion on the situation. He said he understands her side of not wanting to do it but that he understands his father’s side of being uncomfortable with his ex-wife still using his last name after their divorce.
Redditors gave their thoughts about the situation and whether or not the ex-wife should be changing her last name or not.
One Redditor said, “If having his ex share a last name with him bothers him that much, then maybe he should take his fiancé’s name after they marry.”
To which another Redditor agreed and responded, “Absolutely. I hope he takes his new husband’s name when he gets married so he can see what a pain it is to change it. NTA”
Another Redditor says, “If she changes it, she will no longer have the same last name as her children.”
Another Redditor said, “After 26 years of marriage and 4 children that’s her last name. My grandma was married for 20 years to my grandfather, had 4 children they divorced about 45 years ago, and to this day at 87 years old still has my grandfather’s last name. My grandfather is remarried and has a very grown 43-year-old child with his current wife and none of them give a single f***. Like, who cares, OP’s ex is lucky she’s so kind after spending her life with somebody lying to her and himself and their children. NTA”
Another Redditor responded with, “My married name is Smith. I gladly kept it after the divorce. I wanted to have the same name as my kids, plus I love the anonymity. I have a first name that’s super common for my generation too.”
Finally, a Redditor added, “I kept my ex-husband’s last name specifically so I would have my kid’s last name. When I was engaged to my current husband and told him I was keeping my name, he wasn’t thrilled but when I explained why, he fully supported my decision.”
Redditors are always great at giving advice and letting everyone know what they think. But what about you? Should she be changing her last name? Should it have already been done?
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