19 Crucial Small Boundaries You Need in Your Relationship
Boundaries in a relationship are a necessary part of building a healthy relationship. No one wants their boundaries crossed over and over again because it starts to create resentment and can ultimately snowball into huge issues later on in the relationship. A poster recently asked the question, “What are your smaller relationship boundaries that you’ve learned over the years?” and the thread blew up with many fantastic answers.
Planning Dates
One user said, “I don’t want to be the only person planning dates. I want you to want to do things with me, even if they’re not my cup of tea – you enjoying them and wanting me to be there is enough to make it my cup of tea.”
Making The Effort
Another Redditor said, “I can’t be the only person willing to make an effort, like always going to see them or always doing all the planning.”
Hobbies
One Redditor said, “Please respect my TV and movie tastes. Don’t have to like the same shows/genres, but if I am watching something and you don’t like it or aren’t into it, maybe shut it? Do something else?”
Testing Boundaries
A Redditor added, “Someone who runs tests on me to see where I stand in the relationship instead of communicating (ex. Not talking to me all day to see if ill notice or reach out)”
Giving Space
One user said, “Silent treatment. I get needing a little bit of time and space to process, but when a reaction to a disagreement is the full-on silent treatment instead of mature communication, that’s a nope for me.”
A second user added, “I need a lot of space and independence. I have an unconventional relationship that allows this to work.”
Voicing Opinions
A Redditor had this to say, “If you get a chance to say your opinion without me speaking, then I do too. That means I can speak without you talking over me, changing the subject, or not paying attention.”
Making Jokes
One Redditor said, “When someone says, “I was joking..” after saying something cruel. And blaming me for “being sensitive.” Any cruelty masked as humor is a no-go for me.”
A second Redditor added, “I do not like when people mock me when I make mistakes or drop things.”
Decision Making
Another Redditor said, “Please do not make me make all of the decisions. I don’t know what I want to eat. I don’t care what we watch. Please make these decisions 50% of the time.”
Gift Giving
One user said, “Thoughtful gifts. I don’t mean expensive materialistic things. Just things/experiences you remember me mentioning or being into.”
Travel and Vacations
Another Redditor added, “Travel and vacation compatibility. I don’t want to take cruises or sit on a beach, getting drunk and sunburned. And someone who does want to take vacations like that would probably find me an insufferable travel partner in return.”
Public Mocking
A user had this to say, “As much as we rib each other in private, we never do so publicly.”
Lying
This Redditor said, “Lies, even about small things, are a hard no for me.”
A second Redditor replied, “I need to have a lying boundary. You shouldn’t be lying about anything.”
Owing Pets
One Redditor responded, “I am a cat lady, get used to it or find the door.”
Another Redditor said, “I have pets, and you have just tolerate them but also enjoy them.”
Caring
This Redditor said, “I care. Just because it isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it isn’t important to me (or vice versa).”
A second Redditor replied, “I ned someone who cares for me and about things. If you don’t have a passion for something, I’m out.”
Communication
This user added, “Please don’t talk to me for 15 minutes after I wake up, and please don’t ask me questions for 30 minutes.”
Another user said, “ I need open communication. If you are someone who “doesn’t talk” about issues/problems and just let’s it go. I’m out.”
Gossiping
A Redditor said, “I consider it a red flag or an orange flag when I see that people are into gossip.”
Being Critical
This user said, “Criticizing how I do things. You’re not my parent, my teacher, or my boss. I don’t give a f*** if your way is more efficient or effective.”
Another Redditor added, “Not dismissing my feelings. My SO used to say things like you can choose not to be upset.“
Following Through
A Redditor had this to say, “Don’t say you’re going to do something if you’re not going to.”
Too Much or Too Little Talking
One Redditor added, “Please put your phone down and enjoy this present moment with me.”
Another user added, “Texting all day. I hate feeling obligated to reply all day.”
Finally, a Redditor said, “Or get mad when I don’t reply right away.”
Redditors let everyone know what relationship boundaries they have. What are some small boundaries you have in relationships? What happens if they overstep?
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