“Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, a sixpence in your shoe” is an old and rather famous saying that brides follow out of superstition on their wedding day. A woman is asking the internet if her “sister-in-law to be” is overstepping her bounds by asking her to lend something very special as the “something borrowed” piece in the wedding.
The original poster (OP) says her younger brother and his fiancée are getting married soon after being engaged for about a year. She says her younger brother has always been the “golden child” with their mother but not with his father. Currently, both he and his fiancée are living rent-free with their mother.
Her father and she have mixed feelings about his upcoming wedding, they both feel like her brother is rushing into this and not being financially responsible. Her brother recently finished his bachelor’s program a year ago and is still trying to get on his feet and find a good full-time job in his field. She and her father both feel that his deciding to get married before being financially secure and spending thousands of dollars on a wedding is not ideal.
Recently, the woman and her father sat down with him and explained how they felt about this and questioned what the rush to get married is. They suggested he push the wedding off for a few years to save money so they could have the wedding of their dreams.
He explained to them that his fiancée wanted a wedding as soon as possible and doesn’t want to wait. His fiancée’s family is pitching in a couple thousand for the wedding, and their father is also reluctantly pitching in a couple thousand.
While OP was having dinner with her husband when she received a phone call from her future sister in law, she said the conversation started fairly normal until her future sister-in-law (SIL) tells her the reason for her call by saying she had a serious question to ask her.
She goes on to ask her if she can use her wedding dress that she wore to her wedding that just happened a little over a year ago.
The future SIL went on to say that she couldn’t afford one for herself and that she absolutely loved hers, and that it would be her “something borrowed”. She immediately shut her down and said no.
She said her dress cost her thousands of dollars, and she would need to make alterations which she was not on board with on top of feeling like they’re not super close, and her asking to borrow the dress just confirms what she has been feeling about their wedding this whole time.
The Break Down
After she had said no, her future SIL began crying and begged her to borrow it, saying that she could not afford a dress. OP again told her she was sorry, but she would not allow her to borrow the dress. Her future sister-in-law then started saying that she does nothing for her brother and her and that she is not even helping them financially with the wedding even though she has the means to do so, and the least she could do is allow her to use the dress.
This led her to tell her future sister-in-law how she really felt about the wedding. She says she gave her a hard dose of reality by telling her she thinks they are rushing into this wedding with no plan and hoping that others will pay for it because they cannot. She responded that she didn’t care, that she had a timeline and wanted to be married by 25.
OP feels like the fact that her brother and his fiancée can’t even afford a wedding dress confirms everything she has been saying all along, and now they can figure it out themselves. Her mother, brother, and fiancée are angry with her and don’t understand why she is being so rude about her using the dress.
Still, her father is on her side and is contemplating taking his offer back to pay for a portion of the wedding because they are clearly not financially responsible enough or secure to afford the wedding.
The Internet Weighs In
Redditors were quick to give their opinion on this borrowed wedding dress drama.
One user said, “NTA tell her to use a sack of flour as a dress if she wants to get married so badly. The entitlement…..”
A second Redditor said, “Or just…buy a cheap dress. I don’t know why so many people get engaged and then immediately jump to “the only worthwhile wedding dress for me MUST cost thousands of dollars!” when websites sell absolutely gorgeous wedding dresses that are very affordable.”
A third Redditor said, “The ‘timeline’ part kills me. Does this girl even love OP’s brother? Or is he just who she’s dating as she passes the ‘get married’ tile on her copy of Life?”
Another Redditor added, “She can also rent a dress, buy a less expensive dress, or wear something white but more simple. This screams, “I care about the wedding,” and not, “I care about the marriage.” I have my doubts it will last very long.”
A user had this to say, “Or rent a dress. That’s what my younger sister, who is very frugal, did. Honestly, people place way too much value on having the wedding of their dreams. If they want to get married, they can get married. She doesn’t have to have a dress that costs thousands of dollars.”
Finally, a user said, “NTA, who pays for their siblings’ wedding, come on now. If my brothers wanted to get married, I would tell them congrats, and I’ll see you on your big day. Like, who asks anyone to contribute to their party?”
Redditors believe the OP is not in the wrong and has every right to deny her future SIL the dress. What do you think? Would you let her borrow it?
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