Navigating life with a partner offers a mix of joys and challenges. While cherished moments together are treasured, the need for personal space also arises. The user believes that since they already share a bedroom, and he has his own office, she should also be entitled to a dedicated space where she can enjoy some solitude. What are your thoughts on this matter?
One user feels that she should get her own space in one of the spare bedrooms because he has the office, so why not? They do split the bills!
The Extra Room
The original poster (OP) and her fiancé are moving into a 3-bedroom house soon, and it’ll be their first time living with each other. OP went on to say that she has never had a room or space to herself and that as a child, she had to share her room, and even when she moved out of her house, she had a roommate, so she feels as though she has never really had a space or room of her own.
OP also said that she always felt the need to share and felt guilty when she wanted to be alone in her room but couldn’t since someone else was there. She went on to say the only time she had a room or space all to herself was when her roommate or sibling was away. However, even then, she didn’t feel like she had a room to herself.
Recently, after discussing using one of the spare rooms in her soon-to-be house, she mentioned to her fiancé that she wanted to turn it into a bedroom for herself so when she wants to be alone. Her fiancé was confused and said he wanted to use the spare room for a home gym instead. The other spare room will be an office for him when he needs to work from home. OP argued that he already has a claim over one of the spare rooms and she should be allowed to use the other one for herself.
OP also said that she was looking forward to having a space where she could be alone when she wanted and was the only person with access to the room. OP’s fiancé was unhappy to hear this and argued that the point of moving in together was to share everything and not just coexist in the same space. However, he came up with a compromise and said he would change his mind about wanting a home gym if they agreed to turn the second room into a guest bedroom that both could use when they want to be alone in their own space.
OP isn’t extremely happy with this compromise and still feels like she would be sharing, which was the whole point of her having her own space. OP says that if she has a room to herself to use when she wants to be alone, she can just go into her own room, and that will then give him the space he wants as well. OP says they’re splitting home expenses 50/50, so she doesn’t feel that she’s being that unreasonable.
People Weigh In
Readers were quick to respond and give their point of view on this extra room drama.
The first person to respond said, NTA – if you are moving into a 3 bedroom house, and you both share one bedroom to sleep in, and you are sharing expenses equally – your fiancé can not FAIRLY claim both other rooms for himself (gym and office.) His COMPROMISE is that he gets one of the rooms to himself, and he “shares” the other two with you. You’re allowed to ask for a room of your own. You don’t need to justify why you want it.”
A second reader added, “What’s mine is mine. What’s yours is also mine” This was my exact thought. He sounds like a controlling and selfish person who only prioritizes his own wants and needs.”
A third person shared this experience, “NTA- Stand strong on this!!! You are still an individual who has her own needs. I finally got my own room in my house after getting married young (and divorced!) and having two kids. They are all grown up, and my partner is fully on board with me having a space. Oh my goodness, I love my room. So so so much.”
Another user added, “NTA. I feel like men having their own rooms (mancave, “office,” “gym”) is so normalized, yet when women want one, it’s a whole a** thing.”
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