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Stop Sabotaging Love In Your Life: Top 15 Reasons People Sabotage Their Relationships

When someone engages in self-sabotaging behaviors in a relationship, it’s often due to underlying emotional issues and fears that undermine the potential for happiness and fulfillment. These behaviors often stem from insecurities, past traumas, or a fear of vulnerability and intimacy. Self-sabotage can manifest in various ways, such as pushing a partner away, creating conflicts, or setting unrealistic expectations. It’s a complex behavior rooted in individual emotional experiences and coping skills that may require self-awareness and professional support to address effectively.

Fear of Vulnerability

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Some individuals fear being vulnerable and open up emotionally, leading them to self-sabotage to avoid getting too close. They may fear rejection or believe showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

Low Self-Esteem

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Low self-esteem can lead people to believe they don’t deserve happiness, causing them to sabotage a potentially good relationship. They may have a negative self-image that hinders their acceptance of love and affection.

Past Trauma 

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Past relationship trauma or childhood experiences can create emotional scars that make it challenging to trust and fully engage in a new relationship. These traumas can create triggers that lead to self-sabotaging reactions.

Fear of Abandonment 

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An intense fear of being abandoned can cause someone to push their partner away to maintain control over the potential pain of rejection. This fear can stem from past experiences or a fear of vulnerability.


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Insecurity about one’s own attractiveness or worthiness can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors such as jealousy or excessive need for reassurance. These insecurities can create a sense of inadequacy in the relationship.

Commitment Issues 

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Fear of commitment can cause someone to create problems in the relationship to avoid making a long-term commitment. They may be afraid of losing their independence or fear being tied down.

Unrealistic Expectations

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Unrealistic expectations of a perfect partner or relationship can lead to disappointment and self-sabotage when reality doesn’t match those expectations. These expectations can set an unattainable standard.

Communication Problems

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Difficulty expressing needs and concerns can result in misunderstandings and resentment, prompting self-sabotage. Poor communication can lead to frustration and tension within the relationship.

External Pressure 

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External pressures from family or friends can influence someone to sabotage a relationship they feel doesn’t meet others’ expectations. They may prioritize outside opinions over their own feelings.

Lack of Trust 

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Trust issues can lead to suspicion and paranoia, causing someone to self-sabotage by constantly questioning their partner’s loyalty. This lack of trust can eat away at the foundation of the relationship.

Fear of Intimacy 

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A fear of emotional intimacy can prompt self-sabotage to avoid the discomfort of getting too close to a partner. This fear can stem from a fear of vulnerability or a past fear of being hurt.


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Perfectionists may sabotage relationships if they feel their partner or the relationship itself doesn’t meet their high standards. They may struggle with accepting faults in themselves and their partner.

Need for Control 

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A desire for control can lead to manipulative behaviors or attempts to dominate the relationship, resulting in self-sabotage. This need for control can stem from a fear of being vulnerable or losing their independence.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 

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Believing that relationships are destined to fail can lead someone to create situations that cause the relationship to end unconsciously. They may have a pessimistic outlook on love.

Addictive Behaviors

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Struggles with addiction, whether substance abuse, excessive work, or other forms of self-destructive behavior, can interfere with maintaining a healthy relationship. These behaviors can be a way of coping with emotional issues, making it difficult to prioritize the relationship.

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