20 Valuable Relationship Lessons Women Have Learned From Experience
Are you tired of making the same mistakes in your relationships? Do you feel like you keep running into the same issues with different partners? Fear not, as the women of Reddit have shared their valuable insights on lessons they’ve learned from past relationships. From communication to trust, self-love to emotional availability, these ladies have got you covered. What’s a lesson you’ve learned from a past relationship?
Communication
One comment was, “I’m not gonna be texting a guy to remind him that I exist ever again. If he’s not reaching out to me, it’s not because he’s a bad texted or busy or whatever – it’s because he doesn’t want to.”
Another said, “To me, it’s all about communication. Need a break from life? Just tell me, I’ll understand and leave you be. But if you randomly ghost me, don’t be surprised when you don’t hear back from me.”
Trust
A popular comment was, “When he lies once, twice, three times, he will do it a lot more after that.”
Another popular one was, “Don’t give too many chances. Cheaters will always be cheaters. Abusers would only get worse, not better.”
Red flags
A user added, “If they’re giving mixed signals – leave. Every time a guy was giving me mixed signals, they were just messing around and always ended up leaving. If they truly want to be with you, they’ll do everything to prove that to you.”
Self-care
A Redditor replied, “Consent is being able to walk away at any time. So when a relationship ends, you owe the other person nothing. No guilt. No shame. No money. No years. No “we built a life together.” Nothing.”
A second Redditor responded with, “If you are becoming the crazy one, leave. It’s not a healthy relationship no matter how much you “work on yourself.”
Boundaries
A popular comment said, “Boundaries are absolutely, 100% necessary, and open communication is needed to put them. Right on that, if something can’t be tolerated in the long term, it shouldn’t be tolerated in the beginning, either. Once a couple gets used to things being a certain way, it’s so much more difficult or impossible to change them.”
Compatibility
One Redditor added, “If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused.”
Another said, “Discuss everything before you get together. Finances, goals, dietary habits, religious practices, families, blah blah. Everything. Treat it like you’re going into surgery. Make an informed decision.”
Needs
A most-liked comment read, “If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells or suppressing your needs because you think you’re being too much, leave.”
Another popular comment was, “I won’t drag a guy kicking and screaming to meet my needs. If he doesn’t, he isn’t the one.”
Honesty
A user replied, “Don’t live inside your head. Have the hard conversations. If they can’t handle it, it’s better to know sooner than later.”
A second user responded with, “It’s never a good idea to be a “cool” gf. Communicate your needs and boundaries early on so you can determine whether your partner is someone who can meet and respect them.”
Acceptance
A funny comment was, “Don’t hold in farts because you’re self-conscious. Your partner won’t, and you’ll just get a stomach ache.”
Forgiveness
One user commented, “Assess every conflict between you as something you want to mutually overcome as a team. You are on the same side, solving a problem together. Not fighting each other.”
Independence
A Redditor replied, “Be your biggest advocate, always. Don’t stay quiet just to keep the peace. No guy is worth losing yourself for.”
Another Redditor added, “Never sacrifice your independence. Being alone is different than being lonely.”
Communication styles
One person said, “Pay attention to how he talks about and treats his mother. And his exes. There are some important hints there.”
A second person replied, “Listen to how he talks about others when angry and how he treats them. If you start thinking they are abusive or you start looking up anything to do with that, then chances are you are being abused. Always listen to your intuition.”
Emotional availability
A smart comment read, “Don’t try to manage or be responsible for someone else’s untreated mental illness. If they are seriously mentally unwell and won’t see a doctor and/or therapist, just end things. It’ll end anyway, and it’s better to save myself the heartache and trauma. Houses make good fixer-upper projects, not people.”
Prioritization
A Redditor replied, “If they don’t make you feel safe (physically, emotionally, whatever you associate with feeling safe), walk away.”
A second Redditor commented, “To not stay when I am not treated well or when I don’t feel loved. I want something amazing, or I don’t want it at all. I’m fine on my own.”
Quality time
One person commented, “If someone doesn’t want to be your partner in public, dump them. I’m speaking, of course, in a society where it is safe to be public about your relationship.”
Another person replied, “Don’t beg a guy to make time for you. If he wants to, he will. I’m not gonna do mental and emotional gymnastics for a guy’s attention. Either he wants to be with me, or he doesn’t.”
Respect
One Redditor said, “If you’re unhappy about something, say it. If you think you need something from the relationship for it to work, communicate it super clearly, and if your partner ignores it repeatedly, move on.”
A second Redditor added, “If you need to keep asking for respect or to do “normal” things together, he probably isn’t the one.”
Friendships
A smart Redditor said, “No matter how in love you are, make sure you keep putting effort into maintaining your friendships. It’s easy to slack off with friends while in the love stage of a relationship. DON’T. Your friends are important, and you need them.”
Empathy
A user commented, “If you have to beg someone to treat you the way you want to be treated, leave them.”
Another user wrote, “Always be clear about if you just want to vent or if you need advice or help. You can avoid a lot of frustration and unfulfillment on both sides.”
Intimacy
A Redditor wrote, “Do not continue on with someone with whom there is little to no chemistry and the sex is bad. It doesn’t magically get better over time, and certainly not within a marriage. I’m sure this advice is not true for everyone, but it was very true for me.”
Growth
Finally, one person commented, “Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. What they show you is what you get.”
By taking these Redditor lessons to heart, we can all learn how to try and navigate the world of love a little easier.
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