Verbal Mishaps: Talking About The Most Unforgettable Verbal Screw-Ups On a Date

First dates and other uncomfortable events can bring out the nerves and cause blunders in speech. It’s not uncommon for the occasional slip when you speak or a momentary lapse in judgment. Unfortunately, some conversations can take a weird turn, leading to unintentionally amusing and often cringe-worthy statements. 

Nervousness

One Redditor responded,” While I was on a blind date, my date said, “Hey look, you have a nervous tic…. oh, it’s getting worse.”

Sperm Donor

A Redditor shared, “A girl I had been dating for a little while and I were talking one day, and she brought up the fact that her biological father was a sperm donor. We had already talked about this before, and I didn’t really have anything particular to keep that conversation going besides, “That really increases your chances of accidental incest, you know.”

Games At Her Place

A user added this memory, “When I was 17, a girl messaged me wanting to hang out. I agreed to meet her for some games at her place, which her family joined in on. She wore a shirt with really short sleeves revealing a few horizontal, parallel lines below her shoulder. Wanting to make light conversation and being the “funny” guy I am, I asked, “Where’d you get those cuts on your arms? Do you cut yourself?” As soon as I finished cracking that “joke,” my sheltered Utah childhood came crashing down around me as I realized that people actually did that, and I’d just called one out right in front of her family.”

Intelligent

A top-like comment said, “Wanting to compliment on my dates intelligence, I said: “I have met stupider girls than you, so you are really ok.”

That Your Sister?

This Redditor commented, I met a girl for a first date after talking on a dating app for a few weeks, and the first thing I said to her was, “So, your profile picture, was that your sister or something?”

A Model

This user hilariously shared, “I had been talking to a girl whose profile on a dating app said she was a model. I’m not great at small talk, so one of the first things I blurted out was, “So you do modeling?… Are you a hand model?”

Cholera

A commenter said, “I was visiting Manhattan, watching a Rangers game in a bar by myself. A cute girl comes up and starts chatting with me. She mentioned that she’s Dominican. For the life of me, I don’t remember my exact words, but I somehow brought up Cholera in the first 30 seconds, and that was that.”

Vodka

This user shared, For a first date, I got the bright idea to go to a Russian-themed Vodka Bar called Red Square. It was going well, and we were definitely invading each other’s personal space. I’m getting sloshed and randomly say, “You know, I just cleaned my bathroom for the first time in like 3 months, the piss stains on that toilet were formidable….   so it’s clean now… if you wanted to come over, and you had to use the bathroom it’d be clean now…   my bathroom is clean.” There was no second date.”

Must LOVE Dogs

One user shared, “Very early on in my relationship with my ex, we were on the train from CT to NY, and sitting across the aisle from us was a young woman with an adorable puppy. After my ex let out an audible “aww,” I somehow managed to say, “I love f****ing dogs” instead of “I f****ing love dogs.” His response was, “Do I need to hold you back?”

Put Me In

This Redditor said, “I was at my ex-girlfriend’s house, and she was breaking up with me. I pretty much begged her not to and used a phrase that should only be used for the most manly of times. “Put me back in the game, coach!”

Tattoos

A user said, “I was out with this girl once. She asked me what my opinion was towards tattoos. I said something like this: “In my opinion, it’s fine as long as it’s not barbed wire, tribal, or names/dates.” She had her parents’ names tattooed on her arm, which I didn’t notice till after I said it.”

Soft Skin

This Redditor shared, “One time, I was on a date with a girl, and we were watching a movie over at my apartment. We were holding hands, and she started innocently stroking my arm. She asks, “How do you get your skin so soft” Without missing a beat, I reply with a whisper, “I bathe in virgin’s blood” …later I found out that she was, in fact, a virgin.”

Mouth Full Of Guinness

A user shared, “I was out at a pub with a girl I had just met. We were making small talk, and it was going well, and she asked me if I watched Round The Twist as a kid. At that same moment, I took a big gulp from a pint of Guinness. I was in so much of a hurry to answer I forgot to swallow. Guinness went all over me, the table, and her!”

Working Hard

This user said, “I had gone home with a date once, and we were slow dancing in her room, making solid, deep eye contact, very romantic. As I was going in for the kiss, she deliberately teased me by pulling away or brushing my lips with hers, had her fingers in my hair, and had my nails running down her back. The s****ual tension was like electricity in the air. She leans forward, kisses my neck, and whispers in my ear, “Have you ever had to work this hard before?” Stupidly, without hesitation, I excitedly exclaim, “Yes.”

The Reason I Brought You Here

A Redditor shared, “This guy took me out to watch the sunset a few miles outside of town (this was a bad first date idea). On our way out there, he looked at me and said, “Don’t worry, I didn’t bring you out here to kill you.”

Fresh Laundry

A top-liked comment said, “I was on a first date with a guy I really liked. Everything was going great, and we were making out on the couch. I pulled away momentarily to say something sweet, but all that came out was, “You smell..like laundry detergent.”

Chicken Fingers

This user recalled, “I went on a date a few months after separating from my ex-wife. The restaurant wasn’t fine dining, but it was a pleasant little place with extremely large, comfortable chairs and an extensive wine selection. My date ordered a lobster bisque, and, for some reason, I ordered chicken fingers. When the waiter brought our food, it was clear that I had ordered something from the kid’s menu. I looked around the room at all the other couples eating normal food by candlelight and said to my date that “It just doesn’t feel right eating chicken fingers in a chair this deep.”

Hilarious Response

A Redditor shared, “While on a first date with a girl I had known for a little while, she told me that her grandmother had recently passed away. I asked how she passed to keep the convo going, and she told me her grandmother left her nursing home on her scooter and got hit by a car while crossing the street.” I responded, “That’s hilarious.”

Anywhere But Here

Finally, a Redditor added, “I had been texting with a girl for a few months, and we finally hung out in person. After dinner out, we ended up in my car.  She was sitting on my lap, and we were asking each other questions, and she asked me, “Where would you want to be if you could be anywhere right now?”  Being the doofus I am, I replied, “Russia” before realizing she wanted me to say something like, “Right here, with you!”  Three years later, that still makes me smile.”

Source: Reddit

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