Things That Changed or Stopped a Couple’s Intimacy Frequency All Together
As humans age, we desire different things in our relationships, and each individual’s wants and needs can vary greatly from not only person to person but relationship to relationship. One of the big issues in many relationships is the act of being intimate. Everyone is always talking and comparing about having it all the time or not at all.
Needing More That Just The Act
One Redditor shared, “For us, it was a lack of innocent intimacy, hugs, kisses, cuddling, etc… Don’t come and start loving on me only when you want to be intimate. I’m more deserving than just that.”
We Grew Apart
This Redditor shared, “We had emotionally grown apart. It’s hard for me to want to be physically intimate with someone when we aren’t connecting on other levels.”
Birth Control
A user said, “Hormonal birth control killed my libido, and I was flat-out uninterested in it. It had nothing to do with him. Unfortunately, before I realized what it was, the relationship was over.”
Being Unhelpful
This Redditor said, “He made me carry all the mental load of the household and basically became another child I had to worry about and manage. I’m not interested in being intimate with someone I have to take care of like an additional child.”
Deteriorating Relationship
This user shared, “I didn’t stop intentionally, and at the time, I had no idea why I didn’t want to be intimate with him anymore. In hindsight, it was because our relationship was deteriorating, and I am wired to be incapable of wanting someone unless I have a close, healthy emotional bond with them. I just didn’t realize that was the reason at the time.”
Unequal Treatment
A top-liked comment said, “He only wanted to receive. He never wanted to give. Constantly pleasing him was exhausting when there was nothing in return for me!”
No Connection
This Redditor confided, “I have been in a sexless marriage for 17 years! Reasons changed over time. Started with my husband rejecting my initiating for years. He said it was work stress-related and then morphed into performance anxiety ( ED ) – none of which he shared at the time with me despite my begging to understand what was happening with him. After many years of that and constant rejection, I lost interest in trying to connect on any level.”
Trying Too Hard
This Redditor wrote, “He stopped engaging in any kind of non-physical intimacy. Wanna cuddle on the couch? Time to get groped. Need a hug after a long day? It was a big turn-off.”
Lack Of Confidence
This user stated, “My libido is inextricably linked to my self-confidence. Being filled with dread at the thought of taking my clothes off isn’t exactly a turn-on for me.”
Treated Poorly
This user said, “I got tired of feeling like a doll. It was always about him, and I didn’t even feel like a person when he was intimate with me, just a thing that existed so he could get off.
The Flame Went Out
This Redditor said, “With my ex-husband, it was a number of things that he did that added up to our intimate life ending. It wasn’t a conscious decision….the desire just disappeared, and I wasn’t able to make it come back. When we moved in together, I started to feel more like a caretaker/mother to him.”
Porn Addiction
A user wrote, “He was watching so much porn that he didn’t want to have it with me. It hurt me too. I envied people who would complain their husbands wanted them too much. I never thought I’d ever be jealous of that. It was confusing and difficult and heartbreaking.”
Smexless Snowball
A Redditor reported, “For me, it was a number of different issues, and it just continued to snowball from there. Kids: Absolute exhaustion, undiagnosed PPD, carrying the full mental and physical load of home life. Stress: work, finances, relationships, kids. Terrible body confidence because of kids, no time to go to the gym, being too stressed, and no money for ‘luxuries.”
Resentment
A Redditor said, “Resentment causing low libido for my husband. The lower my libido got, the less smex we had, the less he ‘helped me’ out at home with the kids, etc., which in turn made my libido even lower. The epic hamster wheel of no smex.”
Abuse
A Redditor with a top-liked comment said, “Because I didn’t want to willingly give my body to someone who punched holes in walls when I told him it wasn’t OK to wake me up by shoving his fingers inside me.”
Being An Option
This user said, “He put everything else before me: his job, his golf buddies, and his preferences for spending his time on weekends. I purposely cut him off and let him know that if I’m not a priority to him, then being intimate with him isn’t a priority to me. He found it elsewhere.”
Medications
According to this user, “Lexapro was the reason. We went from having smex every time we saw each other to maybe 2-3 times in almost a year. The few times we had smex were not that good. We didn’t realize it was the medicine until about 8-9ish months in, and it ended up causing a lot of fights. I changed to Wellbutrin, and I was fixed!”
Crossed Boundaries
This Redditor stated, “One night, he was drunk and kept pushing for smex when I said no. I finally said ok but that we had to use a condom since I wasn’t on birth control at the time but also on my period, but he kept pushing and pushing until it happened, and the thing I remember most was having to clean up the bloody sheets. At the same time, he just sat there on his phone afterward. Basically, broken boundaries gave me the irreversible ick.”
Fell Out Of Love
A user mentioned, “I didn’t love him anymore, and it took me three years to actually admit it to myself.”
Cheating
Finally, a Redittor simply said, “He cheated. The thought of touching him grossed me out after that.”
The stories shared by these brave Redditors show that stopping smex with a partner can happen for a variety of reasons and that it’s important to prioritize your own needs and boundaries. Whether due to mismatched libidos or deeper relationship issues, it’s clear that communication and self-care are key when it comes to navigating physical intimacy.
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