When a man sets out to win a women’s affection, he must also understand that he will also have to win her father’s affection as well. Winning over the father requires a balance of respect, sincerity, and genuine intentions. First and foremost, he must demonstrate respect for the father’s role in his daughter’s life, recognizing the love and protection he provides.
Make Her Laugh
One user shared, “My father hated my husband to the point he almost didn’t come to the wedding. Many, many years later, he was visiting the same city we lived in, so I invited my dad over for a BBQ. Things were tense for a good half of his visit. But by the end, something had changed. He later came to me and said he never realized how much my husband loved me and that he was the only person he ever saw who could make me laugh as hard as I did.”
Love Is Most Important
A second user added, “My grandparents ran away to get married since her parents hated him. My grandpa was an alcoholic and couldn’t keep a job. At one point, he was homeless due to his alcohol problem. He ended up teaching himself to read, creating a business, and is now 35 years sober. All because he wanted to be a better husband for my grandma after she got pregnant. He realized a family with her was the best thing he had.
A third user said, “Be respectful of my daughter, wife, and me. If you’re picking her up, don’t just sit in the car and wait for her–come to the house and greet us. If I ask you a question, answer with anything besides “I don’t know” or shrugging your shoulders. Have a job and/or be a student.”
The Man You Should Be
This user commented, “Be a decent human being. Be the man that you should be, not the child you are, and you’ll get respect. I don’t understand how other guys have trouble understanding this. Every guy is immature at heart, including me. I still love all the things I loved as a child. However, I know when it’s time to talk about Pokemon and when it’s time to talk about baseball or work, or politics. I know when it’s ok to have pb&j for dinner and when the girl’s parents are coming over, and I need to make steaks. If you’re not mature enough to read the situation, then you aren’t mature enough to date, have sex with, and potentially marry that man’s daughter.”
Firm But Fair
A Redditor shared, “Be firm but fair. I’ve learned that she can be a handful for a new person. She often becomes a bit of a drama queen on a night out, so if she wants another drink and won’t stop whining, don’t give in. Take some responsibility and tell her no. She doesn’t really know how to control herself. Prove you’re a respectable man by looking after her.’
This user commented, There’s no magic formula because every dad is different. Some will be friendly and pleasant, others will be cold and cautious, and some will be outright a****holes. The safest way is not to give them anything to hate you for and treat them with respect. Be polite, respectful, and friendly when you first meet them and gauge their response. If they’re friendly and open, respond in kind. If they’re cold and cautious, just continue being respectful until they’ve had a chance to measure you up for themselves, and if they’re a****holes, just make sure you don’t give them any further ammo to dislike you.
Take It With A Smile
A commenter added, “I went out with a girl for about three years as a teenager (18ish), and her father was a d****k to me. He would constantly make underhanded, passive-aggressive comments that implied my overall uselessness without ever directly saying it. I would just take it with a smile and basically just be as civil as I could be. I ran into him a few years later, and he asked me when I was getting back with her because I was the only boyfriend of hers that he ever liked.
She’s Happy, I’m Happy
A top-liked comment said, “You’re dating my daughter, not me. If you’re good to her, and she’s happy with you, then you’re golden.”
This user recalled, “When I visited my girlfriend’s farm for the first time, I hit the first 8/10 clays when clay pigeon/skeet shooting. I asked for another 10 and got them all. Apparently, my girlfriend’s dad turned round to her and gave her a silent thumbs up and a nod of approval. That’s English farmer speak for ‘This city boy is alright. You can keep him.”
A Firm Handshake
A poster added, “When you meet him, give him a firm handshake, introduce yourself, and look him in the eyes. Make sure you try to talk to him. If you don’t, it seems like you’re only around your girlfriend’s parents because you are obligated. Your girlfriend loves you. Show her parents why she does.”
A Redditor said, “Come over for dinner even though I know it makes you uncomfortable, just because you know it will make my daughter happy. Pitch in when you see an opportunity – in our case, the kitchen drain stopped working, and he offered to get Drano and then be the one to use it (he didn’t want it to get into anyone’s eyes). When that didn’t work, he called his Dad to get more tips. I saw a young man who would go out of his way to help out, cared for my daughter, and had a good relationship with his parents all in one short setting.”
Don’t Be Sneaky
A top-liked comment said, “Don’t ever ask me how to win my affection. It comes off as sneaky, like you’re trying to win me over by doing no work.”
Like A Son Would
A poster shared, “By being a good man, putting my daughter’s well-being ahead of you getting laid, and showing some indication that you are planning for the future (even if there’s no reason to expect her to be in it). Do it right, and I’ll love you like my own son.”
Be The Best For Her
This commenter added, “Not talking for all fathers out there, but my dad, in particular, looked for someone who wasn’t afraid to show off, suck up and try their hardest to be the best.”
A user shared, “The first time he met my dad, he (my dad) was trying to do the “tough-guy” routine and whatever he could to intimidate Hubby (’cause…, you know, that’s the guy who knocked up my daughter, goddamnit!). At one point, they started talking about my man’s Judo experience. Dad, being a 30-year cop, had to brag about how good HE was at judo. In the middle of a sentence, Dad charged on Hubby, and before I could let out a “HOLY*****T,” Hubby had my dad turned around, flat on his a****s, and in a choke hold using my dad’s own arm. They’ve been best friends ever since.”
Pick Her Up At The Door
One user mentioned, “Treat her with the utmost respect. When you pick her up, you’d best come to the door. If you sit out in the car and honk, Jesus will come before my little girl does—open doors for her. Pay for dinner.”
Eventually, You Will
A user commented, “The simple answer is you can’t, at least not right away. Over time if you show respect for my daughter and myself, you may earn it, but it ain’t happening right away. I want my daughters to be happy. Being in a relationship with someone that makes them happy is a part of that. So I’m perfectly fine with them having boyfriends, but here’s the deal… You are spending time with someone I love so deeply that I actually love them more than I love myself, so if you make them cry…I will make you cry.”
A Good Dad
A top-liked comment said, “Respect that I’m her father. I cut her umbilical cord when she was born. I’m the first man she held hands with. I’m the first man to love her. My love for her will never die, and if you break her heart, I’m one of the people she’ll lean on for support afterward. I’d walk through the fires of hell without hesitation for her.”
A Firm Hand Shake
A poster shared, “When you meet me, shake my hand firmly. Don’t smoke. Ever. Respect her. Respect her goals. Respect her opinions. Respect her body. Be affectionate with her in front of me. Be her second biggest fan (I’m the first).”
This Redditor added, ”Don’t lie, be polite, treat everyone with respect. Be confident — look at me and talk to me. Be a drug-free, non-smoker. Always wear your seat belt, don’t drink and drive, and don’t hurt my daughter.”
Hang With The Family
Finally, a Redditor said, “Don’t always be so anxious to take her somewhere. If you are welcome to hang out at her house, do so. It can show you are willing to participate in the family, not just “Hey, let’s get out of here so I can get you away from your Dad….where I can do stuff he doesn’t want us to do”. Maybe go so far as to suggest some activity for the whole family to do together, like go to a fun family movie, an aquarium/museum, or that kind of thing. If you feel comfortable hanging out with my daughter when I’m around, I’ll feel more comfortable with you hanging out with her when I’m not around.”
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