Cheating in a relationship can be looked at as a deeply personal issue. Cheating can arise from a variety of factors. What drives someone to cheat on their partner is a complex emotional behavior that some people cannot begin to wrap their brains around. That said, some potential cheating motivations may be due to a lack of emotional or physical fulfillment within their current relationship, or they may seek validation, novelty, or excitement outside the partnership. Other factors, such as a desire for revenge, impulse control issues, personal insecurities, or a pattern of infidelity, can also contribute to cheating.
Intimacy Is Not Affection
One user shared, “Because I was a d****khead who thought s****x was the same as affection. There are reasons for that, but I’m not going to make excuses. That said, I’ve been faithful for 25 years.”
A second user said, “I was young and dumb, not really ready to commit, and too much of a coward to break it off.”
Once The Dust Settled
A third user added, “I walked in on her with a co-worker, so I revenge cheated with someone close to her. It created a triangle of emotional damage. But I learned how to process the bad stuff in a healthier way once the dust settled from the three of us destroying each other.”
Lacking Emotional Intelligence
A top-liked comment, “Not that it’s an excuse, but I was young. Also, I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to end it like a considerate human being.”
A Selfish Decision
A poster recalled, “It was a selfish decision, getting caught up in the heat of things and not taking someone I loved into consideration when I did it. Just outright generally being an a****hole all around, something I’ve thought about over the years and deeply regretted. Once you really hurt someone like that, it truly sticks in your mind, and you never forget it. You can’t take it back, ya know? You can only make sure you never make such a terrible action again.”
Missing Morality & Ethics
Someone shared, “I had no morality or ethics. Lots of insecurities. Lacked emotional control. These aren’t excuses, but they are who I was when it happened.”
Selfish But Not Regretful
This commenter posted, “I was selfish. I can think of a hundred reasons why I did, but in the end, I was just selfish. I do not have many regrets in my life, but that one will stay with me forever. A life lesson learned the hard way.”
An Abusive Partner
This person recalled, “My ex-wife was incredibly abusive and controlling. She used violence and the police to keep me from leaving her. Women around me started to sympathize and approach me, and I was so starved for affection that I didn’t even hesitate.”
One Last Fling
Someone shared, “My reason was, “one last fling before the ring,” she found out, and we ended our relationship/marriage a few weeks after the wedding.”
What Goes Around Comes Around
This poster mentioned, “He had a side chick who was my best friend (she thought we were in a poly relationship, but it was just him who wanted us both), so I cheated on him with her and stole his side chick.
Empowered To Leave
A commenter posted, “This person recalled, “For context, I am a woman now in my thirties. It was my first relationship. She manipulated me into dating her even though I am straight (I was a teen and in a bad place mentally). She was physically and mentally abusive, and I felt like I could not leave her. 6 years later, I figured that if I cheated, then she would finally allow us to break up. It’s the only time I’ve ever cheated, and I’m not proud of it, but it did work. She still didn’t want to let me go, but after spending time with someone else, I felt strangely empowered and could leave.”
A top-liked comment said, “I had a girlfriend once, a long relationship, very serious. Thought we were soul mates, so I forgave her each and every time she cheated. I just thought you don’t give up on love no matter what. But each time, it wore on me. Finally, one day I revenge cheated. I thought that if I did it once, I could let go of the many, many times she had. Instead, it made me feel like I’d become the thing I hated so much, and I never forgave myself. She never changed. We broke up, and to this day, 13 years later, she still is up to the same old thing.
Would Not Recommend
This user shared, “Little things other people saw in me that my partner didn’t. Instead of recognizing the dozens of other things my partner saw in me and being happy with that, I wanted to have my cake and eat it too. Of course, this created a negative feedback loop, and the fallout was enormously painful, which I deserved plus some. I never got caught. Not sure what she suspected. But, the secrets, the neglect, the deceit, etc., eroded a pretty strong bond. -100/10 do not recommend.”
Checked Out Of The Marriage
Someone added, “My wife checked out of the marriage years prior and expected me to do everything. We/she had pretty much everything you could want, and it was never enough and more than we could afford at the time. She asked our babysitter, our children’s preschool teacher, to become our full-time nanny during Covid. After school started again, my wife asked the nanny to stay on full-time even though she (my wife) wasn’t working. My wife wasn’t doing anything with the kids, and they were my world, so I started going everywhere with the nanny and my two kids. I was putting my son down every night, and our nanny was putting my daughter down. My wife was out with friends or drinking alone in the room- I tried to get her to come out and do stuff with me and the kids, but she wasn’t interested. Nanny and I connected more than we should have, and before long, we were having an affair.”
Loneliness & Confusion
Finally, a user shared, “We got married after 5 years of dating, during which time we spent all of our free time together, made promises, discussed and made plans for the rest of our lives, kids. A week after we married, he vetoed kids, decided he wanted to spend more time with ‘the boys,’ and played football 3 nights a week. He would go to the pub after football on a Saturday afternoon and “forget” to come home again. I was at home with no real friends, transportation, or family. I was so confused and lonely. I was 21, and he had been my everything since I was 16. Someone else paid me some attention and made false promises, and I fell for it.”
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