A Partnership or a Power Struggle? The Sandwich Dilemma and Beyond. Why She Refuses to Make his Sandwich.
The roles between men and women have drastically changed over the years, but it seems as if there is still an unbalanced expectation that women should be doing the household chores, cooking, and cleaning.
What do you think? Here’s a story we found that dives into the topic of expectations between men and women.
A Redditor recently came to threads to find out others’ opinions about an exchange she recently had with her husband about making lunch for him and his daughter.
The original poster (OP) in this thread started off by saying her husband has a daughter that he sees on weekends from a previous relationship and that both she (OP) and her husband make good money but work a lot. She also said she does most of the housework, cooking, and cleaning while her husband sits around and plays video games.
OP said that growing up, her mother and her father had a similar dynamic; both made good money, her mother did most of the housework, and her father sat around and played video games.
She said she hated the dynamic between her mother and father and brought it up with her mother often, but her mother always defended her father by saying that he did a lot of work. OP promised herself that she would never grow up and marry someone like her father.
OP went on to say that now, years later, she’s in a similar position. She said the first year of marriage was good and that sometimes her husband would forget to do things and needed reminders, but overall he did what he was supposed to.
She then said that he began to slack off and found herself doing most of the housework. She also said every time she brought it up and tried to get him to change, he promised he would, and then he’d go back to his normal routine a few days later. After that, he would just sulk when she asked him to help; eventually, she stopped asking because it never got her anywhere.
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The Blow Up
Recently over the weekend, her husband’s daughter was over, and OP had a large project she was working on, on her laptop. Her husband went out with his daughter for breakfast and returned home around noon, asking OP what was for lunch. OP told him she would make sandwiches later because she was busy. She said he looked at her weirdly and then sat on the couch and played video games while his daughter napped.
A bit later, he puts his controller down and asks OP why the sandwiches aren’t ready yet. She said he knew she had a big project she’s been working on and would do it later. Upon hearing this, he tried to take her computer away from her and said that his daughter would be hungry and that the project could wait.
She yelled back at her husband that he has arms, legs, and a working brain, and if he wanted to eat, he should make his own lunch and that he needed to start pulling his own weight.
He responded that cooking was her job, and she apologized for pushing her duties onto him but held firm and told him that he either waits or finds other food to eat.
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Reddit Weighs In
The masses knew exactly what advice to give to the OP and how to deal with the situation.
One Redditor responded, “Your husband has conditioned you into doing all the work around the house, and you’ve let it slide. You even admitted you stopped asking because it never got anywhere.”
A second Redditor said,” Now you’ve got a 32-year-old son on top of a 5-year-old stepdaughter. He is so lazy and immature, and you shouldn’t put up with this anymore.”
A third commenter said, “Put your foot down with him! He’s fully capable of making a few sandwiches for lunch, which is the easiest thing to make – especially as he knows you’re busy on a big work project.”
One Redditor let him have it by saying, “This man was willing to let his 5-year-old daughter go hungry rather than just make her a sandwich. That’s insane. A truly ridiculous level of laziness and control.”
Another Redditor said, “I can’t get over the audacity of this man. And she’s not even COOKING; she’s making a SANDWICH. He can’t make his own daughter A SANDWICH?!
Another user chimed in with, “He spent all that time and effort to guilt trip and pester OP, when it would have taken like a hundredth less time and effort just to make the damn sandwich. His daughter is surely more mature and reasonable than he is.”
Another Redditor said, “OP, RUN. This man has no intention of ever even trying to make this a partnership. The fact that he started off-putting in the effort than just manipulated you into taking over everything tells you how much he values you. And it’s going to be so much worse if you wait until you have kids together. You’re still so young. Do you really want to be trapped with someone who throws a tantrum over you, not stopping your work to make him a sandwich?!”
Another user gave this piece of advice, “Can attest. Watched this happen to my parents. Now my dad sits at the table tapping his cup, and my mom just sighs, defeated, and makes the damn sandwich. They’ve been married for 35 years. Nip this in the bud OP. NTA.
A user then posed this question, “I don’t get why he doesn’t order out. If I was hungry and I couldn’t cook, that would be a no-brainer. Maybe I’m crazy, but it almost sounds like a power play to force the busy wife to cook while he is supposedly making good money and could just easily pick up the phone.”
Redditors had some strong opinions on this sandwich situation.
What advice would you give the OP? Do you agree with how things were handled?
This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Neon Moon.
More articles from Neon Moon:
- Top 5 Reasons Why Marriages Don’t Last Today
- 10 Things That Women Do That Makes Men Run for the Hills
- She’s Ready to Leave. After 6 Years Together, Running a Business, and More, He’s Still Unsure if He Wants to Marry Her. Should She Walk Away?
Image credit: Depositphotos – photography33