10 Non-Negotiables for a Meaningful Relationship When You’re In Love
You are often attracted to someone for a specific reason or multiple reasons. They may have a sense of humor, beautiful eyes, or even a nice family. Sometimes people have traits that they look for in a person no matter what. They call it a “non-negotiable,” and they want each partner to have it.
A question was asked that read “What is a non-negotiable for you in a relationship?” The answers gave many people the realization they have a non-negotiable, even when they thought they didn’t!
Trust
One Redditor wrote, “Trust. You must be trustworthy and be able to trust me.”
Another Redditor replied, “Can’t be going around with someone who can’t trust. I’ve had some crazy trust issues thanks to my ex-partners. It takes a lot of time to build that wall of trust and very few seconds and minutes to break them. “
Good Hygiene
A user added, “Good hygiene. I don’t want to be with someone that smells bad constantly. If you can’t help it, then get some help because, in my opinion, it’s rude to just let someone sit in your stench.”
A second user wrote, “Big time, there are some dirty MFers out there too. Smelling like a petting zoo.”
Incompetence
A popular comment was, “If you don’t know how to do your laundry, cook a meal, or clean anything, then I don’t want to be with you. I’m not your mother or your maid.”
Another most liked comment was, “Growing up, my siblings and I were all made to help clean the house, cook, and do our own laundry. When I was dating, I would use Let’s go back to your place as a way to see how they lived, and I did actually turn around and walk out TWICE because their place was an absolute mess.”
Humor
One Redditor simply wrote, “Must be funny.”
A second Redditor replied, “I agree. A bad sense of humor is such a turn-off. Making me laugh will get you laid.”
Desire To Have Children
A user commented, “Neither of us should have to compromise. If you want to have a child one day, find someone else who also does. Personally, I don’t.”
Another user added, “As someone who doesn’t want kids, I really wish this was a more accepted/popular choice. It’s still as if you have to want/have a whole family to be deemed “successful” or desirable.”
Equality
A Redditor replied, “We are equal. I don’t care if you are a man or woman, what your financial status is, etc., in a relationship. We are equals and will respect one another.”
A second Redditor commented, “I don’t mind spending more if I make significantly more than my partner. Especially if it’s my idea to do something. If I want to share that experience with them and take them out for a nice dinner or vacation that they normally wouldn’t splurge on for themselves, I don’t expect them to pay, and they don’t owe me anything. My issue is when it’s a mutual plan or their idea, and they just have the expectation I will always pay.”
Work Ethic
A popular comment read, “Work ethic. I’m not paying your bills.”
Smoking
One Redditor commented, “No smoking. My grandparents smoked for over 30 years, my mom has been smoking for 30+ years, and my dad smoked for 20ish. I watched and cared for my grandmother died from COPD and emphysema; she essentially suffocated to death. My grandfather will likely die the same way as he was diagnosed with COPD. My mom, who still smokes, will probably die that way too.”
A second Redditor replied, “Agreed, but for different reasons. I wish I had never started, and I’m trying to quit now (I’m about 2 weeks cigarette free). Dating someone who smokes would set me back a lot.”
A Contract
A user wrote, “A fair fighting contract. My girlfriend and I made one. It’s things that are not allowed in fights no matter what (i.e., we cannot name call, bring up the past, or leave mad unless you have work or an appointment, and even then, you have to say I love you).”
Another user added, “Sometimes leaving/going to bed angry is fine. If you’re both upset, you need time to cool down. Sometimes you’re too tired/upset to work through what happened, and if you just keep hashing it out, things just get worse.”
Freedom
A Redditor simply wrote, “Let me hang out with my friends.”
A second Redditor added, “My ex said that she had no problem with me hanging out with friends. But then guilt trips me into staying with her or getting upset when I would get home late. Pardon me, but all of us have jobs, and living so far apart makes it hard to get together, so we spend several hours together, not just an hour or two.”
A third Redditor replied, “I still value time by myself, but also together. Sometimes I wanna talk with you about everything. But sometimes I need the quiet and personal time.”
Cheating
A popular comment said, “No cheating, no lies, complete honesty. So we’ll be able to have full faith in each other. Otherwise, this just won’t work.”
Another popular comment read, “Monogamy. I don’t cheat, I don’t tolerate cheating, and I won’t help someone cheat. If someone is already in a relationship, I don’t even consider them as a romantic prospect.”
Eating Habits
One aggressive Redditor replied, “Partner has to eat with their mouth closed. I really can’t stand open-mouthed chewing. That is the hill I die on.”
Another Redditor added, “If I can hear you chewing, know that I am planning your brutal and passionate murder.”
Nerdiness
One nerdy user wrote, ‘I’m a huge nerd. Whether it’s video games, anime, comics, Star Wars, you name it, and I probably love it. A girl doesn’t have to be a big nerd too, but she has to at least accept my nerdiness and join me in some nerd activity from time to time.”
Self Sufficiency
One Redditor added, “I’m like a cat. I like to chill silently in the same room as you for hours. I can be totally isolated all day and come down at eleven to lean on your shoulder and watch you do whatever. I can be social and extroverted and joking, but it’s random. I can’t be with someone who needs constant reassurance that I love them (yes, that’s why I’m in a relationship with you).“
Fans On
A funny comment read, “We’re sleeping with the fan on. If you don’t like to sleep with a fan, we can compromise and sleep with it on.”
Another user replied, “Ugh, I’m not a fan, man. Why add noise to sleep?”
Communication
A user commented, “Be willing and able to communicate even when things are hard. Any fight or misunderstanding can be reconciled if you just talk. At the very least, if you don’t reconcile, then you have talked and realized early on you just aren’t compatible, so win-win, really.”
No Exes
One Redditor wrote, “Can’t be friends w the ex or anyone they’ve hooked up with. IDC if that makes me insecure. I’ve tried and tried, and I couldn’t get over it. it’s a comfort thing. Lol”
A second Redditor added, “I agree with this. I think it’s just having boundaries, like you don’t need your ex as your friend anyway. Like, make a decision about what you want.”
Honesty
A user commented, “Honesty. If you struggle with something, there are always ways to deal with it. If you don’t tell me, I can’t know since I can’t read minds. Learned that the hard way.”
A second user replied, “Agreed! I kept saying this to my ex, and she would just respond with, “It’s fine” or “It’s nothing.” She never said the actual problem until the night she left—and acted like I should have known. Still trying to recover from that a year later. and kicking myself for not seeing that as a red flag for 8 years.
No Password Sharing
One Redditor commented, “I will not give you any of my passwords.”
Another Redditor countered with, “I used to feel this way, tbh. I used to feel nobody ever gets to go through my phone because it was personal. Today, Society as a whole has me jaded. My observation is almost everyone is selfish AF and only out for themselves. My next partner, if I have one. She will have access to my phone and anything else she wants to see of mine.”
No Illegal Activities
A user wrote, “No illegal activities, especially drug use. I think it’s important to have a discussion about deal breakers as early as possible when starting a relationship.”
A funny comment read, “What about jaywalking? Music piracy? Taking those labels off of cords that say DO NOT REMOVE??”
Must Love Pets
One Redditor added, “Love me, love my dogs.”
Another Redditor commented, “I love my cats, and you have to too.”
Redditors gave 10 non-negotiables that would make or break the relationship. Do you have any non-negotiables that your partner needs to have or do?
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