Ahhhh, the sounds of silence; sometimes, there’s nothing better than being home alone for a few hours with no distractions, conversation, loud noise, or interruption.
If our partners know this about us and know that we relish our alone time, should we expect a text or a call that they’ll be home earlier or later than their normal arrival time? One woman thinks it should be a common courtesy extended to her by her partner.
The original poster (OP) starts by explaining that she is an introvert and owns a home with her boyfriend. Occasionally, she says that her boyfriend unexpectedly comes home unannounced when she is enjoying her alone time.
OP says that her alone time is nothing special and that she doesn’t do anything particularly private when alone, but she wants her nights of solitude.
OP says that most nights, she just enjoys having no one else around so she can walk around her home, watch YouTube videos without headphones, complete her chores uninterrupted, or listen to music as loud as she wants.
OP says she enjoys being alone as it’s her time to recoup from her day. OP’s boyfriend tells her she can do that whether he’s home or not, which she agrees with to a certain extent, but it’s not the same as her time alone.
OP repeatedly has asked her partner to text her when he is on his way home, but he tells her that he’s too busy to text by the time his shift is over or that he’s not usually near his phone when his shift ends.
OP’s boyfriend also feels he shouldn’t be made to feel like he’s in trouble for returning to his home unannounced. OP thinks that it’s a very small ask in their relationship that he notifies her when he is on his way home because she would like a warning that her alone time is ending.
The Masses Weigh In
Redditors gave their opinion on whether the OP was being a little too needy with a text for her boyfriend.
One Redditor said, “Her insisting on this despite him saying that he’s too tired and busy at the end of this shift makes her an AH. She can request, but he can decline. Insisting on it makes him feel like an outsider in his own home and like he needs her permission to come back.”
A second Redditor said, “If he’s able to notify her after work, great. If not, it shouldn’t be a requirement. Her insisting on it makes it seem like he needs her permission when it’s their shared home.
A third Redditor said, “I am similar to OP in that I’m an introvert, and I love my alone time. I also love living with my partner and miss them when we’re apart, and don’t like to be separated for long periods. Those two feelings can actually exist together. And for me, it’s not about needing to know when they’re coming home to ruin my buzz.”
Another user pointed out, “He lives there with you. It’s not like it’s your place, and he’s turning up unannounced sometimes. You literally both live there and should not have to pre-announce to each other that you might walk through the door an hour earlier than you normally would.”
Another user said, “I don’t know. I think it’s polite to text when you’ll be home. What if your partner is making dinner and needs to know when to have it ready? What if they’re napping? What if they’re doing a messy project, and they want a chance to wrap it up so you don’t walk through the door to a huge mess? I like to know what to expect to happen and so do they, so we always text our approximate arrival time. Maybe it’s a function of introversion, maybe it’s a function of having dogs so that someone coming home is ALWAYS disruptive, but it just makes sense to me.”
Finally, another user shared, “I am the same as you, enjoy my ‘me’ time, and understand it’s not the same as having someone in the house. However, I’d feel pretty crummy if my partner asked me to text before I came home every day. It would make me feel unwelcome and also probably make me a little insecure as to why you needed the heads up every time (think more into it / that you were trying to hide something). I think it’s asking too much of your partner.”
Redditors were quite divided on this thread. Some got the need to transition into someone coming home, while others thought she was completely out of line. What is your opinion?
This article is inspired by the internet and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of Neon Moon.
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