Toxic is a world that is very in right now. People are discovering how they grew up in toxic households and dealt with toxic siblings, friendships, or relationships. But one of the hardest parts of this is finding out you have some toxic traits yourself.
Recently someone asked the question, “What toxic behaviors do you see in yourself but have a hard time controlling?”
“My need to control things. If someone close to me is going through something that should be their problem, I feel like I have to fix it and make it work the way I think it should go.”
A user simply put, “Overeating.”
Another added, “Same. Trying to wait until I’m hungry to eat, and stopping when I’m full feels almost impossible. I just eat everything that’s on my plate, I have no other setting.”
One comment said, “Anger. Getting better.”
Another Redditor added, “This. My standard for “shouting” can apparently be a lot different to others. Hard to express what’s going on without it sometimes.”
A Redditor added, “Poor time management, i.e., spending all my time on Reddit.”
A second user commented. “I have really short-lived bursts of motivation. Once that’s gone it’s only gonna be procrastination no matter how important the task.”
One user replied, “Jealousy – sometimes I see other people with a picture perfect life, or they’re beautiful or smart or just have something nice I like, and I get jealous. I tell myself to relax, not try to compete or let it get to me, but it still does.”
One comment read, “People pleasing is a big one. If I can’t stay perfect for people, I get an insane fear that they’ll leave me for someone better. It makes me shut down, lash out, bottle up my emotions, and it’s hard to feel “safe” around anyone.”
One said, “As soon as I have thought of something I want to say, I’ll just stay with that thought and completely ignore the rest of what the other person is saying but let them speak out but then when it’s my turn I’ll say what I wanted. I wish I could be more attentive to the rest of what the person is saying but I’ll lose contribution and I don’t wish to interrupt. Does anyone else have this?”
One comment was, “Nagging. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. Suddenly you just identify millions of things to nag people about. It sucks.”
Can’t Keep Promises
A Redditor commented, “Inability to keep promise while insisting I’ll try harder next time. I want to be better, I just struggle to make time for others and even when I can, I can’t bring myself to do it”
One Redditor replied, “Addictions, smoking, and drinking. Everything that’s wrong makes me feel good. And that kinda sucks, but that’s nice too… Oh, f*** I hate myself.”
A user added, “I’m a clean freak and sometimes have a hard time not pointing out to someone when they haven’t washed their hands or that their fruit in the fridge has gone bad. Honestly, though, it frustrates me more that some people can be so relaxed about cleanliness. Which is probably toxic. I’ve learned to tone it down at least and having my own space to keep in order helps.”
Being Passive Aggressive
One user replied, “When I get frustrated I become SUPER passive aggressive. I look back at any time I do this like “wow I was being horrible,” but I can’t figure out how to keep myself from doing it other than just shutting up entirely.”
A Redditor commented, “I have a hard time consoling people when they are sad, but when I’m sad I complain that no one is consoling me!”
A user commented, “I can get real defensive when really all I have to do is listen, apologize and learn from my mistakes. Too much perfectionism, shame and anger issues.”
One user replied, “Constantly trying to make everything perfect and whilst trying to so worrying way too much about one little thing going wrong.”
One said, “I tend to try to fix other’s life. Whenever I see them struggling, I give my 100% to help them. It may sound good at first but it is not. Some people don’t want to be helped. I also take a toll sometimes because I genuinely feel bad when I see someone else having a bad time. Sometimes their issue cannot be fixed, and that makes me sad, but I still try to cheer them up pointlessly.”
A Redditor said, “I manipulate others through guilt. It’s something I was already aware of, but last weekend I realized why I do it. Because my mom does it and I seem to have picked it up.”
Low Self Esteem
A Redditor replied, “Low self-esteem, I blame myself for everything, I become very attached to people too fast or still feel attached to them (in a friend way) even if things change and I should not, procrastination and probably more issues.”
One reply was, “Trust issues and not being able to have social relationships like friendships or romantic relationships. The trust issues kind of lead to relationship problems, but I can’t really help it… too many bad experiences.”
One Redditor said, “Being impatient. It doesn’t go well with being a parent, so every day is a struggle, but I’ve definitely improved over 4 1/2 years and two kids!”
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